I Don't Wanna See You

I don't wanna see you, or feel you

I don't wanna look into your eyes.

I don't wanna touch you or miss you,

I just wanna love your memory tonight.

by Miranda Lambert

I thought of this verse today because I feel this way about my X-boyfriend Brendan. Yes the one I had so many problems with and the one I knew wasn't right for me. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read my first blog entry. I haven't spoken to him since before I left Maryland. This is really the best thing for me since it has always been hard to remove him from my life. Now it looks like he is really gone and I can take what I've learned from that relationship and apply it to new prospects. After being with Brendan for two years I found out that I need my mate to be my bestfriend and my lover. I feel Brendan was more of a best friend than both. I could tell him anything and I loved hearing what he had to say. What I know I need now is mutual respect. I have to be just as proud of him as he is of me. I find that some men really admire what I'm doing out here and how I up and changed my life to try to find complete happiness. But unfortunately I don't always look at their life and goals in the same light. I sometimes try to convince myself that their career goals aren't important, but they really are. Don't misunderstand me, I don't need a rich husband I just want a man that is proud of what he does and who is always working to better himself. Stagnate men do not turn me on.

I think about this now because I'm getting older (25 in nine days) and my reason for selecting a particular mate is more established and focused. I don't just judge him on looks anymore. There is a process.

1. See an attractive TALL male

2. Get close enough to see if there is a ring on the left hand

3.Watch the way he interacts with his friends.

Loud and annoying guys could be ruled out.

4.Once you start talking, look for a good sense of humor and

I'm a sucker for nice teeth and laugh lines by his eyes.

5. Check his age, I don't want someone younger and not someone my father's age.

6. See what he does for a living. Again, it doesn't so much matter whether he is a teacher, computer software guy, or a doctor, but I want him to be proud of what he does and to really want to be the best he can.

From there it's just a matter of chemistry and how well our personalities fit.

But as exciting as it is to meet someone new, there is a sad feeling of starting over. Reteaching someone about you and learning someone else's quirks. What you got away with in one relationship may not fly in another. But even more of an issue is knowing your much farther away from marriage and children.

PS. I went to the doctor today and I feel MUCH better. Thanks everyone for checking up on me.