My Life with a Mic

Ever since I can remember, I have LOVED to sing! I wasn't really one of those annoying kids that is always in your face singing and entertaining, but if there was an opportunity, I was game. This picture is of one of my very favorite Christmases. I woke up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, and I just had to look out in the living room to see if Santa had come yet. Well he did, and he left me my first microphone and
microphone stand. I was so excited I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. That was one of the all time best gifts!
As I got older things didn't change. I still loved to sing. I was in every singing group I could get into including show choir and even some musical theater. By college, I finally started to learn how to play the guitar. I was inspired by a really cute guy that played Garth Brooks and Edwin McCain. With the small number of chords I knew how to play, I started to write songs. I was never very good at that, but have written hundreds anyway. While in college I sang at a few "open mic nights" around campus. I would always get really nervous, but then I heard what some of the other people were singing or reading and I felt much better. I started out studying both vocal and instrument education. I loved to sing, but the department requirements mandated that I sing in foreign languages and there was no class for musical theatre. I was losing my interest, and eventually dropped my work load to only instrumental education. For my junior and senior recitals I sang and played the bassoon. There was no way I was going to get up on stage and not sing while I was there! My best friend Jessi followed my lead and also sang original songs at her recital. I was also blessed to sing and play with her on her big day.
After college, I started to REALLY get into karaoke. I sang a few times a week and really boosted my repertoire as well as my ego! I won a few contest totaling about $800 dollars in prize money. I was getting known in the local Baltimore karaoke bars, and I liked it!
I love going to a new bar and watching people's heads turn when I start to sing. But, things are very different here. Great singers are a dime a dozen, and no one is doing it just for the fun of it. Karaoke contest down here are like American Idol try outs. So needless to say, I haven't done much. My mother did talk me into singing at Tootsies one night when we were visiting in March. That was fun, though not my best performance. The guy playing guitar is Scott Collier. He and his band play at Tootsies ALL THE TIME!
I know I'm not down here to sing, and I know I don't want to ever be famous, but I need some kind of performance opportunity. Katie and I were talking about looking on campus for a group to join. Tim hosts an "open mic night" on Tuesdays and I think Tera and I will perform next week, but I just don't feel like it's enough. I miss the confidence I had when I was singing in front of an awesome crowd. I think meeting all these people down here that are making a living playing music makes me wonder sometimes why I'm not trying harder to at least sing SOMEWHERE!

Thursday In Murfreesboro

The weather was so wonderful yesterday, that Tera, Katie, Bailey and I went to the park and played guitar. Katie is just now learning and is doing really well. Tera wants to learn, so we are working on it. We stayed there for about two hours and just loved being in the sun and not worrying about school. (Be the way, my tests went really well).
Later that day, Tera and I hung out around my apartment getting ready to go out and we took this picture that I just LOVE! We weren't sure what we were going to do, because most places you have to be 21 to get into, and Tera still has another month to go. So we decided to go out early because most places don't start to card until after 9:00. Tera, Katie and I went to a little Bar and Grill for dinner and after Katie went home, Tera and I headed over to a bar near campus. We were the only women in the bar for a few hours except for the crazy lady with bad roots at the end on the bar. Every now and then she would yell something across the bar to us...we couldn't really relate to her. By the end of the night, we knew everyone in the place. Tera talked to two guys for most the night, Rodney and Will. I spent most my time talking to a musician (of course) named Dion. Everyone is a musician in this town, I swear it is losing it's uniqueness. All in all, we had a wonderful time, and made even more friends.

What I think about when I try to study

I've been sitting at my desk typing up notes from two of my classes. I type them because it's easier for me to study from clearly written notes and it helps get the material in my brain. I have one test this evening in Audio for Media and one on Thursday in Survey of Recording Industry. Both are hard classes that cover a lot of material. While I sit here I tend to look past my computer at the bulletin board where I pin up a few of my favorite pictures and a few other little things that remind me of good times. Well this picture just keeps catching my attention. It's my best friend Amy Jean in my cowboy hat. I guess what's really funny about this is that she isn't a country music fan and could have easily put the hat on backwards for all she knows. She is one of my silliest friends and always fun to dance with.

I also have a few school pictures of my nieces, Jessie and Joey's wedding picture, Kateri and Jim's wedding picture and a few restaurant business cards that I like to frequent. Among those, is my new favorite cheap Mexican restaurant, Camino Real. I just can't get enough fajitas and cheese dip! My newest addition to the bulletin board, is a card I got in the mail yesterday from my sister AM. It says, "A sister is love that you never outgrow. No matter where our paths may wind. Those childhood days we left behind are with me in my heart and mind, as I remember you. Happy Birthday Sister...With a lifetime of memories and a heart full of love." How sweet right?

The last thing that always seems to distract me, is the Dr. Seuss book "Oh the Places You'll Go." These are a few of my favorite excerpts."You will come to a place where the streets are not all marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're dark. A place you could sprain both your elbows and chin! Do you dare stay out? Do you dare go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win? And when you're alone, there's a very good chance you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won't want to go on. You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember life is a balancing act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And NEVER mix up your right foot with your left." The life lessons you can learn from good old Dr. Seuss. I really love reading that book, because it gives a childlike manner to a very adult way of life.

Where does your mind wonder when you are supposed to be studying or working?

Top Ten Reasons I Smiled This Weekend

1. My mother was here and pampered the hell out of me! We went to Target on Saturday morning and I got a toaster oven (so I don't have to cook toast in the real oven), a skillet (so I can cook more than one pancake at a time), new silverware (since the plastic 3 dollar set is already rusting), and new towels (just cause). Sunday we went clothes shopping, which I always need!
2. We had lunch with RugDesigner and her wonderful husband Saturday afternoon. We stayed at the restaurant for two hours talking and enjoying each other's company. I have another mother in Tennessee now! Thank you both for the magnet, it's on my refrigerator displaying a picture of my wild niece!
3. Mom, Katie, Tera, and I saw "At lot like Heaven" and it was WONDERFUL! The guy who plays the lead, David...Is so adorable. I don't know the actor's real name but he also was in 13 Going On 30. Tera looked down the aisle when she heard someone crying. She thought it was a stranger until she realized it was me! I love Chick Flicks!
4. I was given an AWESOME motivation to pierce my ears AGAIN! Mommak bought me beautiful, and expensive, silver earrings for my birthday. I have had my ears pierced twice before, but there was just no luck. This time I must get them pierced by the right people and be meticulous about keeping them clean. Thank you Mommak I love them!
5. Visiting with a family that helped me find my apartment and a job Saturday afternoon. Katie came with mom and I for a nice relaxing afternoon. We had burgers and talked for a few hours. It was very nice.
6. Doing handstands in the Vehars yard with Katie and Lizzie.
7. Watching and listening to Tera hum the humdinger card during our Cranium game Saturday night. The song was Home on the Range.
8. Staying up late with my mother just talking until we can't keep our eyes open.
9. After mom left on last night I studied for two hours for my test on Tuesday night. I felt very productive after that.
10. I was scheduled to have a date tonight, but because the power went out at Tim's studio, he left early last night. We decided to hang out so he could record tonight instead. This was the second time I didn't intend to see him, so I made him give me 30 minutes to change out of my Towson University sweat pants and to try to tame my curly hair. By the time he got to my apartment the news was reporting a tornado on it's way through Murfreesboro, so we stayed in and watched movies. It was a nice date I have to say....But don't keep your fingers crossed. He is a musician with little free time.
I think this weekend has pulled me out of my slump and I am full of smiles and motivation to do well in school and to pierce my ears!

Couldn't Have Come at a Better Time

I love having visitors! My sister, Jason and Katie were the first to see where I live. They were here when I was scared and excited at the same time. When Katie left I was depressed but ready to enjoy Tennessee. Amy came a week later and all I was doing then was sun bathing and reading Harry Potter. But now school has started, stress is piling up and NOW is the perfect time for a visitor. There is no better guest than my mother! She has been my best friend since birth and is still to this day the only person I just can't lie to. As a kid, if anything happened in school or around the house I knew I would get in trouble for, I called my mother immediately. I found that if I told her first she was less mad than if she found out later. I loved to surprise my mother with things I would do around the house. One day I decided to shampoo the carpets. I did that a lot for extra money, but I decided to just be nice this time. I realized that we never clean under the couch, so tired to move it out of the way to do a thorough job. Well, I dented the wall trying to use it as leverage. I tried everything to fix that dent. I spackled and painted, but it was still obvious. So I called mom at work crying to tell her the news. She was very calm and said, "How can I be mad at you when you were trying to be helpful?" She is still the first person I call when I am sick, scared about a test, or just feel lonely. This picture was taken at a fall harvest festival. I believe this is the festival that I got stung inside my mouth by a bee enjoying my soda.
I haven't seen her since the beginning of July, and since I have never lived more than an hour away from her, that's a long time! It was my mother's choice to not see me before I left, I think it would have been too hard for her. So today I have a list of things to do to get ready for my special guest. I must buy lots of wine, (the Unga-Chunga family LOVES to drink wine and stay up late) and buy some food since I'm assuming my mother doesn't want to eat ramine noodles and frozen lean pockets! I usually keep my apartment rather neat, though I will wash the sheets and scrub down the bathroom. Here are our weekend plans;
Friday night- Her flight arrives around 11:30 pm. That is really late for my mother so I'm not excepting much from her tonight.
Saturday morning- I know we'll be waking up early (that's what mom's do) and get ready for our day. We are having lunch with RugDesigner and her husband around 11:30. I really can't wait to finally meet her! After lunch, mom and I plan to go to a birthday BBQ at a family friend's house. I hoping on Saturday night to get her to come downtown and listen to some music, we'll see how tired she is.
Sunday- We will most likely sit by the pool (if Rita doesn't give us rain) and relax.

A little Bit of Girl Time

Last night Katie and I decided we need to get off our asses and meet some people! So Katie came over around 8:30 and while we were out on the patio talking, my neighbor came out to talk with us. My neighbor is Jackie, she works at Outback with me. She invited us to hang out with a group of the "cool" people from Outback. I got her number to met up with her later. :o) Good start already! So then Katie and I went to a bar near school that had karaoke. Katie really enjoys to sing as much as I do. Within a few minutes we made friends with quite a few people. Our favorite was Tim. He is a mechanic by day and a singer/songwriter every other moment. He and I talked about music and how he is trying to learn every instrument, I CAN HELP WITH THAT! He ended up meeting us at the bowling alley where all the Outbackers were hanging out. It was really nice to be around different people and to stop thinking about all the drama. After the bowling alley, we went to another bar near school where we met up with some of Tim's musician friends. I really had a great time and I'm excited that I made some new friends.

OH! Good news! That really hard test I took on Tuesday, got a B+! So even with drama I can stay focused and get stuff done. Go me! I have a math test tomorrow but we can use our notes, so I'm not worried. I also wrote EVERYthing in my notes so I'll have no reason to not do well.

One last thing before I go, I want to thank you all for your advice and comments. It's nice to know I can lean on you for good, bad, and just F**#ed up situations. I'm so happy I started writing in this blog. (Tra, La, La, La, La!)

After Counseling From My Elders

It's interesting to see this situation from different view points. Some of my friends my own age are giving me advice as to how to get past all the drama and forgive. We discuss ways to save my relationship with Kassi and then how to separately save my relationship with Michael. I talked to them both and we tried to set up times to do rebuild the relationships. As I talked to Michael and as Kassi and I played phone tag, it hit me. They aren't ever really going to see me point! I've spelled it out face to face with them both but they still don't see it. All day long yesterday I was stressed about how to take my REALLY hard mass media test and deal with the frustration of not being understood. Finally, I read the blog entries my friends had written and it started to make sense. People with more life experience and those that have seen people like this before gave the best advice. This is trouble! There are too many wonderful people in the world to hang on to people that betray you and who misunderstand you. Finally Mommak called and she puts things in a perspective that only a loving sister can. I expressed earlier what kind of friends I like to surround myself with and I can't make any exceptions. Why would I give someone who has hurt me this much, the chance to do it again? I mean this all really could have been a lot worse. What if this all happened after I've given months and months of friendship and love to them? It doesn't matter what reasons are given, and it doesn't matter how much they might want to make me feel guilty. The bottom line is, I choose to start over with the good friends I have and rebuild. I was afraid to do that at first because I haven't made a lot of friends here, so I was nervous that if I didn't get over this I would loose two of them. But I can't look at it that way. I have a whole city of people to find friends in, I don't have to hang on to those that hurt me. I also think Michael and Kassi were trying so hard to fix things for this same reason. All of us are pretty new to this area and don't have a ton of friends. But we all have a chance here to take what we've learned and start over, Kassi with Michael, and me with Tera and Katie. Sometimes life changes in a way you didn't plan, but everything happens for a reason. Wish us all good luck!

My Effort to Lighten the Mood

I have had my little Bailey in my life for two years now. Brendan and I decided to buy her right after I graduated college. We did not agree on names for her, I wanted to name her Reba and I think he wanted to name her...Something that had to do with football. We decided on a liquor....Since we both like to drink! :o) When we got her, she had no brown in her face and was about 8 inches long. Her paws were so tiny and she didn't have her black spots on her belly, which Jack Russells are known for.
After Brendan and I split up (the first time) I decided I was going to keep the dog. I loved her so much already and couldn't image life without her. Even though she ate every pair of flip-flops I owned and Loved my dirty underwear....I couldn't live without her. My sweet hyper-active, non-barking dog has served a great purpose the last two months. She has been my best friend and my teddybear. She can't bark because her vocal chords don't vibrate correctly. I don't think she knows the difference though. She tries and tries. She also sleeps under the covers between my legs every night. I don't know how she does it. Now my sweet little dog is 16.6 pounds and won't get any bigger. She has her spots and a crazy personality to match. I couldn't ask for a more loving and spirited friend. So this is me getting back to the basics. Appreciating the little things in life.

Hit Blindsided!

Though I have had trouble in the past with true friendship, I always thought of myself as a good judge of character. If I smell something suspicious I uncover the fallacy and either forgive, or walk away. The best way to explain everything that has happened the last few days, I will direct you right to the horses month, Kassi. I'm sending you there because she wrote a long blog discussing the situation from her side. A man I was seeing (but didn't work out with) is now seeing Kassi. They went about their affair behind my back simply because they KNEW it would hurt me. These are two of the four people I know in Tennessee, and I don't know how to stay friends with them. In their perfect world, they want me to except that they want to date and still hang out and we all be best friends (La, La, La, La, La) Well, it isn't that simple. Before I really knew what Michael and I were going to do with our failing ROMANTIC relationship, I confided in Kassi. Little did I know she was going right back to him and telling him everything I said! In my mind I have two options;
1. I back away and allow myself to meet some new people.Maybe join a club at school and detach myself from all this drama.
2. I try to pretend that this all didn't just hit me like a ton of bricks and try to be friends with them both. Put my hurt feelings aside in the name of "new love." Because "if I really cared about them, I would understand."
The problem with the latter option, is that I have successful gone through therapy allowing myself to comfort feelings I don't like and teach people how I want to be treated. I feel this is huge step back! But there is that little voice in my head that says, "If you don't get past this you will be alone." DAMNIT! I don't want to depend on people that hurt me just to have a warm body to talk to. What do I do?

Weekend Football

I went to my first Middle Tennessee football game on Saturday! Tera, Tera's friend Russ, Katie, Katie's friend Reagan, and myself all met at the game. Our intention was to tailgate but we got a late start and didn't get to the game until after kick-off (oops!) I really like the MTSU stadium. Everything is brand new and you have a perfect view of the field from every seat. Except Tera's because there were two guys standing up right in her way and she didn't see half the game! I was really interested in seeing the marching band, since I had to do that for two years in Maryland. They didn't do very complicated drills, but the music was fun and there were a ton of them! They had the actual band, color guard, baton twirlers, and a dance team all performing together. My favorite part though was after their half time show the band all rushed the student seats and played the school fight song right in front of us! It was fun. We actually didn't end up staying for the whole game because we were hot and hungry! I don't even know the final score!
I also had tickets to the Baltimore Ravens vs. Tennessee Titans game. I have ever been to a professional football game and was really excited about going. Russ had two tickets for free and all I had to do was find someone to cover my shift at work. BUT NO! No one would pick up my shift. Out of 20 some servers....Everyone was busy. So my ticket is unused and I watched the game in the Outback lounge since I had no tables anyway! At least the Eagles won!

The Stress of Money!

For the last two weeks I have been trying to pick up shifts at the restaurant to try to make enough money to pay rent and bills. I have gotten the shifts but not the money! People in Tennessee do NOT know how to tip! 20% you cheap skates! The last two Sundays have been an exceptional waste of time. Outback now opens at noon, only on Sunday, and I really don't think our managers have figured out how to schedule the servers. All 15 to 20 of us are there at noon ready for the 10 tables that come in the restaurant! From noon-3 yesterday I had one table that tipped me THREE DOLLARS! Around 3:00 I have another table that tipped me another THREE DOLLARS! After 5:00 things finally picked up, but we close at 9:00 on Sundays so that didn't leave enough time to make a difference. After working 91/2 hours, I walked out the door with only $50. :o(
So something has GOT to change! I applied online last night for a paid internship with Enterprise Rental Car. I hear they are flexible with students and pay well. So cross your fingers!
Does anyone else have any suggestions for a good paying job that will work with my schedule?

Level of Friendship

When I was in middle school I was not a good judge of friends. I allowed myself to be around people that continually let me down. They walked all over me and made fun of me behind my back. Well, in high school I was determined to see through people like that. That might be why I didn't really make good friends with anyone from my school. I went to an all girl's high school and kind of fit into every group. I was a musician, an athletic, and did well in school. I seemed to find my good friends in out of school activities like county orchestra's or honor bands. I was getting better at filtering out people that weren't helping me develop as an adult. By college I had a group of three girls that I did just about everything with. I loved my college life, but I hardly talk to those girls now. By the end of college I finally did it. I finally found the three women that made me laugh and challenged me to be better. Katie, Amy and Jessi have become the standard which I now judge new friends against. Any new friends must have Amy's sense of humor and fun side with Katie's power to motivate and inspire and, of course, Jessi's wiliness to listen and help with any problem at any time of day. These women have many other awesome qualities but these are some of my favorites.
So what does this have to do with? Well I'm starting another chapter in my life and I'm going through some of the same processes I went through when I entered high school and college. I know what kind of people I want to surround me and what I need from them. Mainly, I need trust. The most important thing I learned from my therapist was that I have to teach people how I want to be treated. I can't assume that others will understand my unsaid friendship rules. I have to educate them about what hurts me and what impresses me. It's hard going through all this again, since I finally found the friendships that made me whole. I have faith that I am here for a reason. There are people I am destined to meet and who may change my life.
This weekend I am continuing the Birthday celebration with Tera and her friends from home. We are going to the MTSU football game tomorrow and I think we are going to some local bars afterwards. If I get my shift covered at work I can go to a TN Titans game. If I go to that, then I miss the Eagles game at 1:00PM. Tough Call!

Happy Birthday To ME!

Today I turned 25 years old! I decided last night to change my hair color. I loved it's color before I left Maryland because it was red with multiple highlights. . It was dark and had a lot of red highlights. Well with two weeks in the sun, my hair was looking too blonde. Nothing against blondes but I don't look good as one. So I went dark again. It turned out a little more red than I wanted, but you be the judge. This may not be a great pictures but it's the best I can do by myself!
I have received a lot of "Happy Birthdays," thank you all so much for remembering. I have received three gifts so far and I wanted to share them with you. The first is a Rachel Ray 30 minute cook book. I don't cook but really want to learn and become more domestic. I also got my favorite Yankee Candle from Jessi. It's Midsummer's Night. I like it because it smells like a guy's cologne. :o)
Tera took me to lunch at a Mexican restaurant where I was sung to with a sombrero on my head. To make things every more embarrassing, the servers feed my whip cream and missed twice! Once on my chin and once on my nose. I wish I had a picture to show you. After class, Katie and Kassi took me to Outback for "Happy Hour" Then Kassi, Michael and I went downtown to Printer's Alley. There is a great little bar there where I heard two girls sing. I got there information and I want to look into getting them some more shows! So all in all, it was a good day! Thank you everyone!

My New Friends

I have finally gotten the time to upload some pictures. I believe this was two weeks ago. It was taken in the living room of my new apartment. We were playing "Power Hour"and for those of you who haven't been in college for a while, I'll refresh your memory. Power hour is when you take a shot of beer once per minute for an hour. You end up drinking about 8 beers in an hour. We haven't made it to an hour yet...We are light weights. Starting from the girl with Bailey we have Brittany and then in Blue we have Katie. Kassi is in front in the red T-shirt and my southern Bell Tera is in black next to me. These are MY GIRLS! Check out Kassi and Tera's blogs as well.

Well tomorrow is the big day! Today I got three cards in the mail. One from my mother, Nana, and best friend Jeff. Keep them coming!

Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day

Teaching a class full of innocent children

Driving down some cold interstate

Did you feel guilty cause you're a survivor

In a crowded room did you feel alone

Did you call up your mother and tell her you love her

Did you dust off that bible at home

Did you open your eyes and hope it never happened

Close your eyes and not go to sleep

Did you notice the sunset the first time in ages

Speak with some stranger on the street

Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow

Go out and buy you a gun

Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watching

And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns

Did you go to a church and hold hands with some stranger

Stand in line and give your own blood

Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family

Thank God you had somebody to love

I'm just a singer of simple songs

I'm not a real political man

I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you

The difference in Iraq and Iran

But I know Jesus and I talk to God

And I remember this from when I was young

Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us

And the greatest is love

By. Alan Jackson

This verse of this song makes me think of so much. My sister is a 2nd grade teacher and I wonder how teachers explained that to young children. He talks about calling your mother, and she was the first person I called as well. I was walking out of sign language class four days before my 21st birthday and EVERYONE was on their phone. This tragedy pulled us together as a Nation while it pulled families apart with death. We remember today all the firemen and police officers who lost their lives trying to save as many precious mothers and fathers as they could.

God Bless America and please protect us from further tragedy.

Maryland

I've been thinking, I've been thinking I've been thinking too much

I just wanna live now for little while and cast my dreams to the wind.

Don't wanna wonder don't wanna wonder what it's all about

I'm just working for a living singing with my friends as I cast my dreams to the wind.

Maryland I'm coming Home

Never worry about what I did wrong and

that I'll never be what my daddy wanted me to be

I'll never see what my momma's dreams were

By Vonda Shepherd

Even though I have moments of doubt and loneness, I know that when I look back on this time in my life I can say that I DID see my mother's dreams and my own. I do think I've been thinking too much and need to relax and take one day at a time. This past week I wasn't feeling well and I started working a lot. The professors at school scared me a little and I needed to re-group. Nothing worth getting is easy to get or everyone would have it...Right? So I'm refocusing here. I am typing up my notes after my hard classes to make sure I understand everything. I'm working a lot which tow things for me, 1 I save/earn money, 2 I'm so damn tired after work I stay home so it's easy to wake up in the morning for class.

My puppy Bailey has been sick this week. To spare you the nasty details, she wasn't making it outside. "Gotta, go gotta go right now!" Yesterday morning Bailey woke up and crawled out from under the covers. She say right under my arm and threw up on my bed and me! I jumped up, threw the sheets in the wash...And went back to bed until 11. At that point I found a Vet, thanks Kassi, and we were seen at 11:30. Everyone loved my cute little puppy.

I now have a stie (not sure how to spell it) on my left eye. What is with this place? When I first moved here my face broke out like a 13 year old girl! Thank God I finally got that resolved! And now this! It isn't bad and I don't know if people really even notice it, but everything I look straight I see it in my line of sight. It's giving me a headache.

There are two days until my birthday...I have to say that enough though I don't have the birthday mug, I'm still really excited. I know my mother already has cards in the mail. I LOVE MAIL! My spirits are up and I"m motivated to make this the best decision of my life.

All Within One Day

It's funny how in one day your attitude can change so drastically and how much little things can ruin a perfectly good day. I went out until about midnight last night with my friend Kassi. We went to a local restaurant to hear a guy sing we had met the weekend before. She and I weren't drinking so waking up for my 8:00AM class this morning was no problem. I also really like my 8:00AM class so I don't know if even a hangover would keep me from it. But anyway, I go to class and sit next to the people I WANT to be friends with but still haven't spoken to and allow myself to emerge into the four big Record Companies that monopolize the record industry.
After class I was awake and ready to get a lot of errands accomplished. I went to the grocery store for the first time in a month and actually had money to pay for it! :o) I bought a lot of fruits and veggies and cut them up when I got home so they are ready to eat. If I don't do this then they will sit in the bottom of my fridge and dead a slow death. Lovely right?
Then I went to my second class which I usually LOVE. It's Mass Media and the professor is really funny. But today, he was not so funny. I didn't follow the relevancy of his notes and couldn't decipher what was really important. That was frustrating, but it didn't ruin the day. I went to work and had lovely customers all night. I even sat down with a food critic and we talked for about a half hour. From there I went to my favorite past time, KARAOKE! This is where my day ends up in the shit hole. Karaoke in Murfreesboro is not the same as in Baltimore. They don't have the "Karaoke Rule Book" down here. :o) The bar was PACTED with people all about my age but I still felt older! People were loud and drunk and my patience was wearing thin. To top it off, I can't drink until Tuesday because of the medicine I'm taking! AHHHH!!!! I don't know, maybe I grew up too fast and now all this college shit is getting on my nerves! I miss the Ridge Inn and all my karaoke regulars! I miss being able to walk into the bar and know at least 10 people! I miss not even having to look up songs because Galen would put me in the rotation and find out what song I want to sing when I got up there! I miss sitting at home and watching my digital cable under two blankets! I really miss watching Law and Order SVU every night at 10 and 11! I know things will get better and maybe I won't miss Maryland as much soon....But tonight I just wish I could have gone somewhere low key like all my favorite spots in Baltimore. That's enough wining for one night!

I Don't Wanna See You

I don't wanna see you, or feel you

I don't wanna look into your eyes.

I don't wanna touch you or miss you,

I just wanna love your memory tonight.

by Miranda Lambert

I thought of this verse today because I feel this way about my X-boyfriend Brendan. Yes the one I had so many problems with and the one I knew wasn't right for me. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read my first blog entry. I haven't spoken to him since before I left Maryland. This is really the best thing for me since it has always been hard to remove him from my life. Now it looks like he is really gone and I can take what I've learned from that relationship and apply it to new prospects. After being with Brendan for two years I found out that I need my mate to be my bestfriend and my lover. I feel Brendan was more of a best friend than both. I could tell him anything and I loved hearing what he had to say. What I know I need now is mutual respect. I have to be just as proud of him as he is of me. I find that some men really admire what I'm doing out here and how I up and changed my life to try to find complete happiness. But unfortunately I don't always look at their life and goals in the same light. I sometimes try to convince myself that their career goals aren't important, but they really are. Don't misunderstand me, I don't need a rich husband I just want a man that is proud of what he does and who is always working to better himself. Stagnate men do not turn me on.

I think about this now because I'm getting older (25 in nine days) and my reason for selecting a particular mate is more established and focused. I don't just judge him on looks anymore. There is a process.

1. See an attractive TALL male

2. Get close enough to see if there is a ring on the left hand

3.Watch the way he interacts with his friends.

Loud and annoying guys could be ruled out.

4.Once you start talking, look for a good sense of humor and

I'm a sucker for nice teeth and laugh lines by his eyes.

5. Check his age, I don't want someone younger and not someone my father's age.

6. See what he does for a living. Again, it doesn't so much matter whether he is a teacher, computer software guy, or a doctor, but I want him to be proud of what he does and to really want to be the best he can.

From there it's just a matter of chemistry and how well our personalities fit.

But as exciting as it is to meet someone new, there is a sad feeling of starting over. Reteaching someone about you and learning someone else's quirks. What you got away with in one relationship may not fly in another. But even more of an issue is knowing your much farther away from marriage and children.

PS. I went to the doctor today and I feel MUCH better. Thanks everyone for checking up on me.

Birthday Count Down

I love September! It's my birthday month and my favorite time of year. Maryland has wonderful foliage that I sure will miss. I remember when my sister and I were younger we were paid to rake the leaves in our back yard. My step-dad made a deal with us to pay us by the hour :0) Guess how long that took? Well AM and I would rake pathways through the backyard and use them as streets. Then we would makes HUGE piles and jump in them like every kid does. We would sing songs and have a good old time! We thought we were tricking my step-dad by taking so long to rake the leaves, but I found out later that it didn't matter how long it took us, we were getting the same amount. I wonder if autumn in Tennessee is as beautiful as in Maryland. That might be a reason to not love it here, besides that lack of beaches.
Another reason to love September is that my birthday resides in this month. This year I turn 25 on the 15th. Twenty five years old....It's amazing that when my sisters reached this age I thought it would be so cool to be that age, but now that I am...It's not as cool. Though I love how my mother has always managed to make my birthday incredibility special. My favorite little tradition that I think I was the only one of the girls to really get much enjoyment out of, was the birthday mug. My mother had a coffee mug that said "Happy Birthday" on it. We were only aloud to use it during our birthday week. From the Sunday before to the Sunday after your birthday you could use the birthday mug. I LIVED FOR THAT THING! Once I moved away for college my mother knew how much I loved receiving mail, so she would send my at least four birthday cards! Over the years I have saved the really sweet ones and love to read them when I feel a little down on myself. A mother's words has a funny way of making you feel better. Which is why I have to call her ever time I get even a cold. :o)
My mother is continuing her tradition of making my birthday special by flying out here the weekend after my birthday. I can't wait to introduce her to my friends and show her around.
Let the Birthday Count Down Begin! 14 more days of anticipation.