It's amazing to me that seven months ago I was scared of conflict. I was afraid to confront my boyfriend, sisters, and friends. It was easier to just go along with what other people said than actually listen to myself and form my own opinion. Thankfully, my therapist was helped me focus on what I hear inside myself and to feel comfortable expressing it. I've wasted so much time, and will not allow anymore moments to slip by.
Unfortunately, I can't make other people confront me! At my party on Sunday, a good friend overheard a comment that was heard out of context. She immediately thought I was talking about her, and she spent the last three hours up stairs angry with me. I thought she wasn't feeling well, so I didn't give her a hard time. It wasn't until the next day when I called to check on her, that I found any of this out. Why didn't she just pull me aside and ask me to explain? Why waste all that precious time upset about something that ended up not being about HER? It frustrates me that people allow little things to get in the way of friendship!
Example number two, my "friend" Crystal. Back in March, Crystal and I went to a dance lesson together. We were excited to learn ballroom dancing and thought it would be fun to do together. The first night was awesome. We were quick learners and our teacher was really fun. It was expensive but we worked it out. The next week I got to our lesson early. I called her about 10 minutes before class to tell her I was there, no answer. I called her 10 minutes later, no answer. I rescheduled for later that evening and went next door for coffee. I started to get nervous, but then again, she makes plans all the time and is then un available. I was starting to get really upset and the messages got more and more harsh. I didn't go back to the lesson because I didn't have a PARTNER! The next day she left me a mean message saying she had an emergency. Long story short, we haven't spoke since. She would rather stop being friends with me than confront me. Where is the logic in that? When asked to come to the party on Sunday, she said it would just be too hard. :o(
I think everybody needs a therapist. Everyone needs to talk and have someone completely listen to them. Even if you just need help communicating, it's WORTH IT! (and honestly, most people have WAY BIGGER issues) We need to stop wasting time on stupid issues and cherish the time we have together, because you never know when your friend will just up and move out of state! :o)
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3 comments:
Very true words and good advice, sister. I'm sorry Crystal didn't come to your party. Sometimes life weeds out people for you. Its a shame but it won't be the last time.
I'm sorry I couldn't make it to your party - but I'm not mad at you. Quite the opposite. I love you dearly and would have cried my stinking eyes out and probably gotten drunk in front of my kids. Lunch on Saturday was hard enough. The girls kept wondering why I was crying while walking to the car. Better stay away from Mom. She's a mess;-)
Now whom do you know who is moving out of state? Heh.
You're right on, Girl. Happy is always better than unhappy. Maybe not easier, but better.
One of the nice things about being in a female-dominated family like yours (and mine) is that you tend to talk about your feelings more. It always baffles my husband--the crying, talking and then making up.
As MommaK said, this won't be the last time, but it's good that you have figured out what kind of communication is important to you.
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