Happy Birthday Big Sister

My big sister is celebrating another birthday. She may not be excited about growing older, but I am and I'll tell you why.
My sister went away to the Big Apple to study acting right out of high school. It was the first time I can remember that we hugged (expect when I was a baby I guess). It was when she left that I really started to want to have a good relationship with her. I wrote her a few harsh letters telling her what I bad sister she was and she wrote me back some of the kindest words I've ever read. I still keep those letters and read them in times of low self esteem. (I would have given written some in my blog but I've packed that box already!)
Every year since then I've watched my sister develop into the most wonderful sister, friend, and mother. She was blessed with an extraordinary husband, two beautiful girls, and two handsome boys. She has taught me compassion, organization, edict, and sisterhood. Not only has every year brought my sister growth, but it has also brought her closer to me. She and I have grown so much closer since her exodus at 18. Thank you Mommk and Happy Birthday!

What I've learned from my Therapist

It's amazing to me that seven months ago I was scared of conflict. I was afraid to confront my boyfriend, sisters, and friends. It was easier to just go along with what other people said than actually listen to myself and form my own opinion. Thankfully, my therapist was helped me focus on what I hear inside myself and to feel comfortable expressing it. I've wasted so much time, and will not allow anymore moments to slip by.
Unfortunately, I can't make other people confront me! At my party on Sunday, a good friend overheard a comment that was heard out of context. She immediately thought I was talking about her, and she spent the last three hours up stairs angry with me. I thought she wasn't feeling well, so I didn't give her a hard time. It wasn't until the next day when I called to check on her, that I found any of this out. Why didn't she just pull me aside and ask me to explain? Why waste all that precious time upset about something that ended up not being about HER? It frustrates me that people allow little things to get in the way of friendship!
Example number two, my "friend" Crystal. Back in March, Crystal and I went to a dance lesson together. We were excited to learn ballroom dancing and thought it would be fun to do together. The first night was awesome. We were quick learners and our teacher was really fun. It was expensive but we worked it out. The next week I got to our lesson early. I called her about 10 minutes before class to tell her I was there, no answer. I called her 10 minutes later, no answer. I rescheduled for later that evening and went next door for coffee. I started to get nervous, but then again, she makes plans all the time and is then un available. I was starting to get really upset and the messages got more and more harsh. I didn't go back to the lesson because I didn't have a PARTNER! The next day she left me a mean message saying she had an emergency. Long story short, we haven't spoke since. She would rather stop being friends with me than confront me. Where is the logic in that? When asked to come to the party on Sunday, she said it would just be too hard. :o(
I think everybody needs a therapist. Everyone needs to talk and have someone completely listen to them. Even if you just need help communicating, it's WORTH IT! (and honestly, most people have WAY BIGGER issues) We need to stop wasting time on stupid issues and cherish the time we have together, because you never know when your friend will just up and move out of state! :o)

Saying Goodbye

Time ticks on at the same pace no matter how much you want to hold on to it. I felt like I was clinging to ever moment this weekend, hoping it would last as long as possible.
Saturday I was able to be at my niece's build-a-bear birthday party, which was very cute. Then my sisters, brother-in-law and nieces all went to lunch. It was a one of those situations where you really want to have fun, but you are so fearful of the goodbye that you can't relax. MommaK and her husband gave me a wonderful going away gift. They gave me this awesome bag and a gift certificate that I can use when I move.

I tired to spend a lot of time with my older niece, since I think she understands a little more than the younger. But inevitably, we had to say goodbye. I was OK when I hugged my nieces, but once I hugged mommaK, I started to get really choked up. Then when my brother-in-law reminded me that he was here if I ever needed anything, I was fighting back tears. I didn't want to cry in the middle of the mall, nor did I want my nieces to see me make a scene. But I guess there just is not real good way to say goodbye.

The next day was filled with hugs, tears, and goodbyes. My best friends threw me WONDERFUL going away party. It was perfect! Just about all my best friends and sister were there. We spent the day playing games and LOVING each other's company. I always knew I had great friends, but they really were over the top yesterday! They put together a poem made interiorly of country music song titles. They framed it and had everyone sign around it.

The first stanza reads like this,

It's Your Song

American Girl, Here for the Party You Can't Take the Honky Tonk Out of the Girl

Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy, These are the Days, Knock Yourself Out

Hog Wild, It's all Good.

Honestly, I wish I could write all the things people wrote about me, but that would take up too much space and seem like I'm a little stuck up. :o) But I will tell you about two other gifts I received. The guy I'm seeing, Tim, is very attentive. A few months ago, I told him a story that really upset me. I told him that in college a friend gave me a bottle of 1998 Kendall Jackson Merlot and said not to open it until I was where I wanted to be in life. That was my 19th birthday and I was very excited to save it for the perfect moment. I didn't open it when I graduated, and didn't open it when I got my first teaching job. But at a party I was hosting, we ran out of wine and someone took that bottle off the shelf and drank it. I found the empty bottle in the morning. I was so upset because I thought it was a great gift idea. So Tim handed me two cards and bag. The first card was just a cute funny card that came with the Dr. Seuss book "Oh, the Places You'll Go." The first page reads, "Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to great places! You're off and away." Very true...I am off in five days! The second card was much sweeter! I have to write what he wrote because he is a very fine writer. He doesn't always say the right thing, but he sure can write it!

When Dreams take flight...Follow them. (the card cover)

It seems almost foolish to give you a card with this message; You practically wrote this message. Your strength and your passion amaze me, and you've left an impression on me that will last past forever. Some would say that time is an elusive thief that's run out on us, but I prefer to think of time as a companion who's always there reminding us how precious each moment is. None were more precious then the ones I spent with you. Thank you for your time and your love; I couldn't have asked for more! P.S. I know Merlot isn't your favorite, but I thought this particular vineyard's might be special. I'm not going to tell you to wait until you've
"arrived" to drink this, because I hope you never do. Rather I hope you live in glorious bliss of always working and pushing for more and better. Just make this bottle Special!

I was a little choked up after that message. He has a wonderful way of making me sound like a hero. :o) But there was still one more special gift. My best friend Jessi had worked on a photo album that showed our history together. It really is beautiful! She included a song she wrote. She and I sang this song at her senior recital and it had always meant a lot to both of us. But she has now dedicated it to me. Here is the refrain and third verse.

Freeway, take me to a place that I can call my home. Freeway, looking for a love that I can call my own. This life I'm leading now, it ain't the right one for me. Georgia, West Virginia, Carolina, Maryland they ain't suiting me, Destination Tennessee.

Maybe I'll hit Memphis, sing the blues on southern summer nights. Then I'm off to Graceland to see myself if Elvis is still alive. Nashville, Here I come to sing about the love he left behind. All I've got now is a broken heart, my guitar and the Dixie line.

We spent the whole night outside on my good friends newly finished deck. She and her boyfriend did SO much work on their house for this party. I'm so grateful that I have such wonderful friends. Thank you all so much, I love you and will think about you everyday.

Gratification

In one of my six schools this year, I started a guitar class. I have to have at least five students to even begin, but after many phone calls, we had enough. There were two boys and three girls. Three of the students had mother's that worked in the school, so it was easy to keep tabs on them. After the Christmas concert I found myself fighting to get them all to class. One girl left early every Thursday for fear of gym class, and of course guitar was always on Thursdays. The two boys made every decision together, so when one decided that learning to read music was too hard, the other did as well! SO there were two girls left. Ashley was practicing every night and the music came easy for her. Lizzy, on the other hand, had stickers all over the guitar's neck to show her where the notes were and STILL couldn't play. So when Lizzy dropped out I was not upset. It was finally a chance to see what Ashley could do.
In one of our talks, I realized that she also loved country music....Wonderful! I started to teach her some of my favorite country songs starting with "When you say Nothing at All" by Allison Kraus and Union Station. She loved it! Her mom told me that she played the song night and day! Two weeks before the spring concert she told me she was not only ready to sing and play that song, but she had also WRITTEN HER OWN! I was so proud! We worked on her song and I sang harmony with her. The parents LOVED that concert. It took me an hour just to leave afterwards because of all the parents I had to talk to (I loved that)!
Well once summer came I was in a tight spot. My company doesn't allow us to teach our band students during the summer because we have a summer program. BUT, there is no summer program for guitar, so I said F@*^ it, and taught her anyway. During the summer I was able to teach her about four songs, "Better things to Do" by Terri Clark, "Travelin' Soldier" by Dixie Chicks, "You're Still The One" by Shania Twain, and her favorite "Without You" by Dixie Chicks. I had to tell her and her mother Wednesday that I was moving and then unable to continue with lessons. Their faces looked like a truck hit them. Ashley got a little teary eyed and asked a TON of questions. Once she realized what I was going to be going to school for, she was comforted by the possibility that one day I could be her manager. :o) It was really hard to tell them I was leaving, I almost cried. When I got home yesterday Ashley had written me this e-mail.

hey Ms morhiser I just wanted to let u no that my mom got me a new guitar teacher but I don't think he is as good as you. I wish u didn't have to leave...Cause without u IM not okay n without you I've lost my way...Remember that line...Well just wanted to let u no GOOD LUCK n someday I hope u can be my manager

lots of love n luck
~Ashley~

The lyrics "without you I'm not OK, without you I've lost my way" are from her favorite song "Without You". Needless to say, I was a little misty after reading this!

Hershey Park

Amusement parks are usually a lot of fun, but when you are in charge of ten middle schoolers in scorching heat , it's less fun.
The program I work for continues their musical education during the summer (and I have to work this camp whether I want to or NOT). We have six centers all around the city so students in all of our schools have a center close to them. The kids meet once a week for six weeks. They have three classes: a group lesson, sectional, and full band. We try to challenge the students by teaching them material we don't get to during the school year. Our program is so jam-pact that we don't have a chance to really go into music theory (which I love to teach).
Anyway! As incentive to participate in summer band, we arrange for all the students to go to Hershey Park. The kids have the whole day to ride all the roller coasters and enjoy the Water park. I realized on this trip that I'm getting old! I used to spend the whole day in the sun attending in rides for hours and still have a GREAT time. Not anymore! I was cranky whenever I had to stand in line for more than 15 minutes, which was all the roller coasters. It was too hot and people were assholes! Cutting in line and standing WAY too close in the lines. I don't think people understand what personal space is. Long story short, amusement parks aren't what they used to be.

A Turning Point

I was about five years old when my mother re-married. He was walking into a very tough situation and was very brave for doing so. My two older sisters AM (7 years old) and mommak (12 years old) dealt with this change a little differently than I did. To me, he was my DAD! I even tired calling him that, but since everyone else called him Joe, it just stuck. He and I did many bonding activities through my youth. Hiking trips, T-ball games, and home repairs. But as I got older, he didn't know how to connect with me. We couldn't just take a ride and visit model homes on a Saturday morning. I was in high school then college and was just too busy. We had grown dramatically apart. My mother's decision to separate from my step-father this past winter added to the distance.
He contacted me in December to have dinner and talk. I was happy to hear from him. I was proud of my mother for ablitly to do what was right for her, but I was also afriad I would lose ANOTHER father. We met for dinner and it quickly turned into an uncomfortable situation. He was asking me questions about my mother and if I ever saw the flaws in him that she saw. He was a different man, sad and a little disillusioned. Needless to say it was a very long dinner and I I hadn't seen him since.
I sent him a Father's Day letter and picture. In the letter I told him of my plans to move and my goals once there. He then called to set up one last outing together before I left. I was a little nervous, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I'm very glad I went. We took an informative cruise around the harbor and had dinner at a local seafood place (somewhere a friend of his from work said was good). When we were there he gave me a letter he tired to send in response to my Father's Day letter. For some reason it was sent back to him.
He was never the kind of man that displayed his emotions on his shoulder and he NEVER signed a birthday card, letter or even on left a message with anything other than Joe. But this letter was different. He wrote the following, and notice how he signed it.



Thank you for recognizing me on Father's Day and the picture.
I miss you already BUT I am happy for you
I know you will be successful, you always are
I am relieved knowing you have a family to assist you
I miss you (SAID THAT BEFORE)
I want you to be careful
I want to protect you
I am starting to remember you as a little girl
I am blessed. Having the cutest girl in the world in my memory
I remember the bee sting at the park
I remember the allergy shots
I remember T-Ball
I miss you (SAID THAT ALREADY)
I remember the doll house we built
I remember the hikes we took
I remember raking leaves
I remember Kings Dominion
I remember so much
I love you
I miss you (SAID THAT ALREADY)


DAD



DAD!**** He finally called himself DAD! When I read that I started to cry. I wonder if this is really a turning point. I wonder if this is the start of something normal!

Karaoke Rules

There was a time, when I just went to the karaoke bar with friends to sing silly duets and drink beer. We would sing all the regular (now annoying) karaoke songs like "Summer Lovin," "Picture," and "I Will Survive." It wasn't about singing our best, it was about purely having fun. Even though I still LOVE karaoke, I am a bit of a prude when it comes to proper edict. There are actually a few rules to karaoke.
1. If you are sitting really close to the singer, you don't sing louder than them!
2. You don't sing a song someone else already sang, nor do you sing a song someone "usually" sings. **very important**
3. You compliment Everyone, even if they weren't that good. At least they have the guts to get up there.
4. When you go to a new karaoke bar, you should make good friends with the host. They will make sure you get your songs in. It helps to wear a low cut shirt. :o)
5. You will get hit on by a man with missing teeth, be nice because he knows ALL the bartenders.
6. Every bar has a singer that they feel is the best, be careful not to suddenly overshadow them. Ease into your best songs.

Last summer I started to get into karaoke contests. I have won just about as many as I have lost. It's nice to earn a few hundred bucks doing what you love. I guess it just amazes me that more people don't sing karaoke. I think it is the most polite way to entertain. It doesn't matter what you look like, you just have to be able to sing more than three songs for people to be impressed. :o) Give it a try!

Line Dancing

My friends and I have really gotten into country line dancing! The first night we went we were really intimidated by a few things actually. First of all, there are a lot of beautiful people that go to this club. Since I didn't know the people, I was uncomfortable. Also the dance floor is full of cowboys and cowgirls two-stepin' and doing dances I have very seen. We didn't know ANY of the dances and were too embarrassed to get out there and try. It took us quite a few nights before we were brave enough to try the "En Paso," "Boot scootin' Boogie," and the "sidekick." Last night though, we lost all our inhabitation! We tried EVERY dance, and actually learned most of them. We had a few nice men as dance partners and teachers. I had a wonderful "girls-night-out." I can't wait until next Wednesday!

Another Wedding

After going to my third wedding this summer, I feel like a pro! There are a few things I have decided I WON'T have at my wedding.
1. a singer whose vibrato is so fast that you can't understand a word she says!
2. a priest who can't remember the names of the Bride and Groom!
3. a D.J. who thinks Disco music is still popular!
4. allow cell phones in the church.
5. have a band that walks around singing love songs during the reception.
6. cash bar! Drinks should be included.
7. allow the wedding cake to be placed on an unsturdy table.
8. most of all, I will not allow tradition to get in the way of the happiest day of my life!

Your wedding day should be your OWN! If you don't want your Dad to walk you down the aisle because he hasn't been in your life AT ALL, then choose someone else! When I walk down the aisle to the man of my dreams, I want the person who leads the way to be the most important male figure in my life. Since my B-Bob is not alive, I will choose that man when the day comes. I'm a little torn as to who he would be right now. I have a stepfather, uncles and a wonderful brother-in-law but I just don't know how I'll feel when the time comes to decide.
I think my best friend had her wedding close to perfect! The reception was on the water and she selected every single song the D.J. played. Since she also loves country music, I was happy. She even sang a song to her husband which I think I would do as well. Her ceremony was done at a church that neither she nor her husband attended. They had many meetings with the priest but he still didn't know them well enough to give a personal ceremony. I think I might be getting a little picky, but oh well. I have plenty of time to plan my "perfect" wedding.

Mama, I'm Alright

There is a new artist by the name of Miranda Lambert. I am in love with her voice and her lyrics. I'm sorry to do this two days in a row of lyrics, but my mother will love this one.
I've noticed, that even though this move is going to be scary for me, it may be harder on my mother. I'm her baby! We talk or e-mail almost every day! The last few weeks, my mother has wanted to spent time with me. But with the summer band program I teach and waitressing, I just haden't had time to see her. Finally last weekend I took off and took a trip to her neck of the woods. We both needed that weekend together. We are each other's best friends and biggest fans. I just want to assure her, that I'll be alright. She raised me to be a strong woman and I can't wait to prove it to her.

Every day at noon like a chapel bell find her Jesus keep her well
Help her do more right than wrong at the end of the day
I got 5 good gears and a tank of gas, fifty watts and Johnny Cash
A guitar and a broken heart just full of things to say
You taught me how to stand those tests and trials
But you can't see a desert sunrise in the bible

She loves me more that anything
And she wants the world for me
Her west dropped of in El Paso,
And her north in Abilene
Mama I'm OK out here
I've seen how hard the world can be
My step is sure and I know my name
I'm strong just like you prayed I'd be
I'm strong just like you prayed I'd be

If I'd have done what you and daddy done, would have never lost and never won
Or gotten myself kicked when I was down
I would not know how to travel well, A hundred bucks and cheap motels
I would not know how to fight for my own heart next time around

Now don't you cry another night about me
In this city I've got angels all around me

She loves me more that anything
And she wants the world for me
Her west dropped of in El Paso
And her north in Abilene
Hey Mama I'm OK out here
I've seen how hard the world can be
My step is sure and I know my name
I'm strong just like you prayed Id be
I'm strong just like you prayed I'd be

I felt it every time you prayed for me
I'm strong just like you prayed I'd be

Meaningful Songs

I have always paid close attention to the lyrics in popular songs. I am constantly searching for the songs that voice my feelings. I have kept a running list of some of my favorite songs. The ones that make me stop and think about my life and what I've gone through or what I dream to have. Check out these songs and add some of your favorites.

"You'll Never Be Lonely"
"She's Every Woman" by Garth Brooks
"I Get to Come Home to you" by John Michael Montgomery
"You'll think of Me" by Keith Urban
"Little Things" by Brooks & Dunn
"I'm Moving On" by Rascal Flats ** Lots of meaning for me**

And my new Favorite, "My Sister" by Reba McEntire.


Hey girl it's me I just called to tell you hi
Call me when you get this
Haven't talked lately so hard to find the time
Give the boys a big kiss
Tell them that I miss them
By the way I miss you too

I was thinking just today
About how we used to play
Barbie dolls and make-up
Tea parties dress up
I remember how we'd fight
We made up and laughed all night
Wish we were kids again
My sister my friend

Oh yeah before I forget I met someone
I think I really like him
I was wondering if I'm jumping the gun
By going out on a limb
And invite him home for Christmas
To meet the family

Seem like just yesterday
You brought home old what's his name
He had been drinking
What were you thinking
After dinner he passed out
We can laugh about it now
We've learned a lot since then
My sister my friend

Do you think you could come and see me sometime soon
We could just hang out like we used to
It's late and I should go
But I can't hang up the phone
Until I tell you
What I don't tell you enough
Even though at times it seemed
We were more like enemies
I'd do it all again
My sister my friend


The first time I heard this song, I was actually on a NO SISTER STRIKE. :o) That sounds bad, but my sisters love me so much, that every time I spoke to them I felt like we were having an intervention. They knew that my boyfriend was not right for me, but they didn't want to wait for me to see it. So I felt it was best to pull away for a while and focus on what I wanted. It seemed though, that this song was playing everytime I got in the car. It reminded me of our Barbie Kingdom that took over half our Basement. The song also brought to mind all the boyfriends we brought home for different family events. I don't recall any of them getting really drunk, but most weren't good enough to be there.
I hope that when I move, my sisters still intervene and visit often.

I love you MommaK and AM!

Getting Stuff Done!

I got my rental truck all taken care of, though I don't know how I'm going to pay for it! It's really expensive to move ten hours away! Now I just need to change banks and pack! Any helpful advice you all can give me to make this as easy as possible, I'd appreciate it. Have a great day!

Independence Day

Today I celebrate our Nation's Independence as well as the Independence I see around me in the women I admire. Independence is a tricky word. Webster defines Independence as Politically selfgoverning; free from control of others; not relying on others. I believe there is a deeper meaning to that powerful word. Being Independent doesn't mean you can't lean on the strength of others in hard times. It doesn't mean that you can't reach out for advice in tough situations. It does, however, mean that the final step must be our own. To be Independent you are required to truely listen to your own heart and follow your own beliefs and dreams.
I feel that after weeks of counseling, I am finally able to say that I'm on the road to being Independent. I will always value the opinions of my loved ones, but I hope to be strong enough to listen to what my own heart tells me. I want to fall down to see how quickly I can get back up. I want to get hurt, to learn compassion. I want to work hard to value the feeling of success. So happy Independence Day to our Nation and to the women in my life who know what it's like to be Independent. I love You!

The Count Down Begins!

I have 27 days left in Maryland! It's interesting that for years I have talked about moving to Nashville but have had many reasons to WAIT another year. :o) Right after college I didn't have the money nor the courage to pack up and leave. I landed a good teaching job for a company that required me to sign a two year contract. So I had to WAIT at least two more years to move to my dream state. At that time I didn't know what I was going to do once I got to Tennessee, which is most likely the reason I was so scared to go!
At the end of my first year teaching I told my boyfriend I was leaving after my second year with or without him. After telling him my plans, he became that voice that wouldn't let me find another reason to put it off. Early into my second year, my boss came to me and asked me to sign a contract for a third year. He was offering me a nice raise and a promise to decrease my work load from seven schools down to five. I told him I was unable to sign the contract at that time because it was just too far away and I wasn't comfortable making a legal commitment. I assured him that I would let him know in the winter as to whether or not I would sign the contract.
Oh the winter sure did come quickly! I loved my students and I was finally gaining respect in their schools. When it came down to telling my boss, I was torn. I hadn't made ANY plans for Nashville and had no Idea how I would leave my students. I was ready to WAIT another year. My sister and her family had finally moved back home, I had a good job, great friends, reliable contacts, and FINANCIAL SECURITY. But of course, it's not all about money! After many fights with my boyfriend, he finally convinced me that I had to go now or I would always find a reason to stay in Maryland. So I told my boss that this would be my last year with the company. He was disappointed and tried to find a way for me to stay.
Then the planning had to start. There was something stopping me though. I still didn't make any plans! My boyfriend had decided to make the step with me. That was the problem! I didn't realize it at the time, but that was why I hadn't made plans, because I didn't want to make them with HIM. After many counseling sessions with a wonderful professional, I finally clearly broke the news to him that I loved him, but didn't love him enough to marry him. It would then be unfair for him to move with me. That didn't go over well (that's a whole other story though).
But then I was FREE! I was free to finally start working to make ME happy. I make MY plans not OUR plans. It was a scary but nice feeling. I wasn't ready to plan two people's future. That is when I decided to go back to school for Music Industry with a minor in Public Relations.
After months of researching schools, I found Middle Tennessee State University. They have one of the best Music Industry Programs in the nation! What excited me the most about this school was that 600 companies around the world give internship the RIN (recording industry) students in the senior year. JOB PLACEMENT!!!!!
So here I am, a month away from finally going to Tennessee. Please follow me and give me any advice and support you can offer.