I did it!

CANDIDACY! To receive candidacy, recording Industry majors have to complete four core classes, at least 65 credits of gen. eds., and receive a C or better in College Algebra. The department then takes the average to the four classes, plus the Math and average of gen.eds. to create one number that is used to compare all candidacy applicants. They accept only the top 20% of those students into the program. If you do not receive candidacy the first time, you are recommended to retake either the math or some core classes to boost your overall score. Most people that I have met in my core classes were there retaking the class.
I was able to apply for candidacy this semester since I have now completed the math, core classes and gen. ed. requirements. I was contacted yesterday by the dean of the department congratulating me on receiving CANDIDACY! :o) So I did it! All the social opportunities I passed up to study and all the note cards I took with me to work just to study, paid off! I guess I knew it would, I was just worried about how well all the other candidacy applicatants did. If their score was higher, than I wouldn't be in the top 20%! So...it's a good holiday now. I can relax and enjoy my time with friends and family.
I finally did all my Christmas shopping yesterday. I wish I had more money to spend on my family...But I just had enough to buy one thing for everyone. I know it isn't about how much you spend, it's about being together...But I like to make people happy. Well Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I Have a Roommate!

Things have gotten VERY tight financially, so I've filled out about ten different job applications at local hotels to be a front desk clerk a few days a week. I thought that would be an easy day job that I might even be able to get a little reading for school done. I have my first interview tomorrow for Fairfield Inn, which is across the street from my Outback job! I'm keeping things really local. Wish me luck, receiving this job would be a nice note to end on before I fly home.
I also have acquired a roommate! Katie had put a deposit down for an apartment with a friend of her's from home, and was scheduled to move in January 1st. Well last week her friend decided she won't be able to afford the apartment and wanted her deposit back. It was hell trying to get the money back and Katie didn't have enough time to find another option for living arrangements. So, my dining room is now her bedroom! We have moved my guitar, keyboard and microphone back into my bedroom and rearrangement the kitchen table to allow room for her bed and dresser. There is, surprisingly, enough room! I have a huge closet, that I now share, as well as space in the bathroom. She has already bought all kinds of things for OUR place. I drew up a little contract that I asked her to sign that just said she would pay about $200.00 a month towards the rent payment and other bills. I couldn't charge her half, since she lives in the dining room! But it will really help me financially and with Bailey. So it looks like things are going to be ok!
I do have some bad news though. A really good friend of mine from home, Kateri, needs your thoughts and prayers. Her mother was diagnosed with cancer this fall ( I honestly can't remember what kind) and they have been doing multiple tests and procedures. I received a message from Kateri last night that said her mother wasn't doing well. Her mother is just the kindest women I've ever met and it just breaks my heart to know what this family is going through, especially during the Christmas season. Please keep them in your thoughts.

Exams Completed!

All weekend I have been working through 100 math questions in hopes that I would be more prepared for this final. I have never been very good in math but my test scores did get a little better each test. But still I need an 85% to keep my B. How good do you think your college algebra skills are? Check it out at, then you can check the answer key at http://math.web.mtsu.edu/course_materials/1710_reviewsheet.html http://math.web.mtsu.edu/course_materials/1710_answerkey.html

Last night I got together with a few of the "smart" people in my history of recording industry class to study for our final. We went over everything until 2:30 in the morning! I was VERY prepared for that final. I ended up getting a B in that class and a B in my Mass Media class. Today I took my survey of Recording Industry final and my teacher graded it for me and told me that I have a B in his class as well. So now I just need to know about my Audio of Media class and my Math class. I'm still worried about the Math though.

But.....it's OVER! My first semester at MTSU is over. In about 7 days I find out if I can go on and take upper division classes in the recording industry program. Keep your fingers crossed!

The Semester is Almost Over

Yesterday was our last day of classes for the Fall semester. I have two finals in Monday and Tuesday and one on Wednesday. I think I have really been over doing myself though. I work everyday, go to school, study for exams, and constantly search for another job. I was contacted last Friday to interview for a position I was really interested in. It is a publicist position at a small independent music label called Dualtone. I was really excited and spent the weekend rewriting my resume and practicing what I would say. Tuesday at 3 pm was my interview time and I looked AWESOME. I was having a great hair day and I looked professional but trendy. The office was right on music row across the street from Sony/BMG headquarters. I walk in and met two gentlemen that work there and was told that the woman who was scheduled to interview me had to go to the hospital that morning due to complications with her pregnancy. I was so upset but I understood. So now I'm waiting for my interview to be rescheduled.
I think all the stress has finally gotten to me physically. I was so productive this past week getting everything in order for next semester and my flight home for Christmas that now my body needs a break. I went into work last night for my 7th shift in a row and my stomach was quite upset but I thought I could work anyway. My first table ordered a bloomin' onion and the smell made my stomach turn and I knew I could not stay there. My boss was really great and let me go home. Katie came over with medicine and Kassi dropped off some sprite on her on her way home from work. Finally around 3am, I finally got to sleep and by the time I woke up today I was feeling much better. Thanks to the help from a few friends.
Today I have just been relaxing and doing reviews for exams next week. I might do something low key this evening but I intend to be asleep early so I can continue to study tomorrow before I go to work.

What a Crazy Few Weeks

Let me start with my 4 am drive to the airport on Thanksgiving Day. I was a little nervous about how crazy the airlines would be, but BNA was it's usual quiet peaceful self (though it was 5 in the morning and only crazy people travel this early). So I take my time to the terminal gate and even stop and get a huge cup of hot chocolate since I learned last time that a cup a of coffee on an empty stomach can be painful. Once I arrived at the gate I took my seat next to another girl my age, two seats away from the only other young person in the room. Everything seemed fine until it was about 10 minutes before we were scheduled to board and BNA employee came over the PA system telling us that our flight attendant wasn't here and they were in the process of finding their back-up. Ok, fine not a big deal. Thirty minutes later we hear that there is no back-up flight attendant and they have to call another employee in, soon after that we were told that the flight was canceled and we had to chose another flight. It was now 7 am and all 25 passengers had to get back in line and individually plan another route to Washington. I couldn't believe it! There was a young woman with her two boys ages 18 months and 2 and a half years. The boys had been entertaining us all up to this point but were out of patients. She was allowed to reschedule first due to her young boys but while they were at the counter the boys lost it. The mother was told that she had to fly through Chicago and catch another plane on to Washington. That is just too hard with young boys. The mother was losing patients, the boys were wining, and then she gets a call from her husband in Iraq, but doesn't reach it in time and misses the call. She finally took a step back and sat down to regroup. I was so impressed with her composure, I would have lost it! After about 45 minutes of trying to reroute everyone, a flight attendant was found and we were back in business. I was arrived in Washington 3 hours later than expected and quickly took a shower and headed over to Mommak's house.
I was so excited to see my nieces since the last visit home was just an adult function. We played and had wonderful appetizer and causal family conversation. I started to feel how much the morning had effected me around 4 pm and just HAD to take a short nap. I woke up to dinner being ready and I could smell the fired turkey and stuffing. Mommka makes awesome stuffing. After dinner my mother, aunt, and grandmother left and "the kids" were left to play cards and finish off the wine. I have to say this was the most relaxing Thanksgiving in recent history, but it felt too safe. It felt like we were on our tip-toes and tried not to offend each other, it was a little odd. I slept downstairs with my oldest niece and in the morning AM and left to have lunch with my mother and grandmother.
Later that afternoon my best friend Jessi came all the way up from southern Maryland to see me and be my driver for the weekend. That evening we went to John's house (the medical school student from New York that I've known since 5th grade) to have drinks with he and his cousin and then went on to a bonfire. We really had a great time but if you walked away from the fire you were freezing!
The next day I was in a wedding and Jessi went with me since I had no car and knew no one at the wedding except the bride. Though I hated my dress, the day turned out ok. The reception was at a really nice place and I played with the kids most of the time. Jessi and I had planed to go to Baltimore that night but we were just too tired from our long day. So instead we stayed home with Mom and watched movies on the Hallmark channel. Jessi went home and Mom went to bed but I stayed up until about 2 in the morning watching back to back Law and Order. I really miss cable! The next day Mom and I decorated her apartment and lounged around until I had to go to the airport. The trip home was much less eventful than the trip to Virginia thank goodness.

Puppy Sitter

My very trust worthy puppy sitter, Katie, is unable to watch Bailey this weekend. I understand that Katie has plans, but Bailey really loves her and I just don't trust anyone else to stay in my apartment and be with Bailey. So the hunt for a good doggy hotel was on. I must have called ten different places Sunday and they were all full for Thanksgiving and Christmas! So last night I was a work asking friends if anyone wanted to make an extra 50-75 bucks by watching my "daughter" Bailey. One of my managers jumped at the offer and refused any money. He has a one and a half year old rat terrier and thinks that the two of them will get along really well. So tomorrow night after work I have to give her over to him and sleep alone. :o( It actually makes me a little teary eyed! I know Bailey will be fine but I'm not really close with this guy and I just worry that she'll get lose and get hit by a car or something. I know I will be calling everyday to check up on her! This will also be the first holiday I don't have her with me.

I've Overlooked Her

In families, there are roles that evolve naturally. When you have a family with more than two siblings, each sibling takes on a role. The eldest is very special to the parents by being the first. There are a million pictures of them in every single pose imaginable, while Mom & Dad are learning how to be parents for the first time. The youngest is very special for other reasons. They are the baby that the whole family seems to take care of and feels an obligation to protect. The sibling in the middle sometimes may feel less special because they aren't the "baby" or the "oldest." I feel my family is no different.
My mother learned a lot with Mommak being her first child. My mother was a single parent through some of Mommak's hardest teenage years and mom tired her best to keep the lines of communication open. When it was time for AM and myself to creep into teenage years, we both had very different ways of relating to our parents. I have always been the type that shares EVERYTHING! I confessed every good and bad grade as well as every good and bad choice. AM, on the other hand, has always chosen to be more independent and self sufficient. She didn't run to mom when things were a little tough, she sucked it up and went it alone. There are still things I'm learning about now that she never shared with me for that same reason.
Her independence has not worn off with age, I just think it has been over looked. This past year has brought huge change to our family but I noticed this past weekend that AM and I really are doing the same thing, she is just going step by step whereas I am just jumping off the cliff! After AM's graduation from college, she received a position in a top county teaching 2nd grade. After only two years of teaching, she became a mentor teacher and is now training new teachers. The last few years she has been taking graduate classes as well as teaching full time. I don't know how she has the energy to do progress reports for the little ones and assignments for grad school! But step by step my big sister has climbed out of college debt, bought a home, and may very well receive a promotion at work! She has done, or is doing everything she said she would and she is only 27!
AM has been behind my decision to move since the beginning and has kept me motiviated with inspirational words, but I didn't see that her words were more from experience then from admiration of my choice. I was too caught up in myself and the fears I had, that I didn't see the struggles my sister was going through. For that selfishness I am sincerely sorry. Maybe it is time for other people to look at the people around them and make sure they are appreciating and motivating the ones they love.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Tera and I have become more than just Harry Potter fans! Last night we joined a packed theater of teenagers for the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Of course I already read the book but I just had to see the movie the instant it came out! It really was worth the way I feel this morning!

No movie can be completely accurate with the book upon which it is based, but this one was really close. There were only a few parts that were not consistent with the book and just a few small pot details that were left out. But the way they brought J. K. Rowling's words to life really was amazing. There was a lot more humor in this movie and it wasn't AS dark as previous releases. Go check it out and tell me what you think.

My first Tornado!

By my Tuesday night class yesterday all my tests were over! My History of Recording Industry and Mass Media tests both went really well but my math test made me break out into a cold sweat! I'm not even kidding. So Tera and I decided we would go downtown to celebrate the end of our nasty test schedule after my evening Audio of Media class. I heard the news about thunderstorms but they were supposed to pass by before I was out of class. So I got ready and put my "going out" boots on and got all decked out so I could leave right from class. About half way through us learning the difference between Analog and Digital recording, the emergency siren sounds. The voice said that we should take cover immediately. Out teacher canceled class and told us to seek a safer shelter. Well I was not about to get in my car and drive home, I was afraid I'd drive right into the damn thing. So I went to a dorm with a girl in my class. She is the girl I did my Reba presentation with and I have learned since that project that she is not the kind of person I would like to be stuck with for any length of time. Well for two hours we huddled in the base of a stairway with about 10 other residence. It was HELL! When her RA finally said that MTSU was clear of danger I ran out of there. It wasn't raining when I left her dorm but about 100 yards from the door, it starting pouring from the right, then left. My umbrella flipped inside-out three times and I was completely soaked by the time I made it to my car.
The tornado never touched down in my town but did do a lot of damage to surrounding counties. I learned last night that Rutherford county (my county) is number five on the list of top counties effected by tornados! They don't put that in the brochure!

Let Me Catch You Up!

Friday morning Katie and I woke up at 4 am to get to the airport for my 6 am flight (thanks again mom for scheduling that flight). I was amazed I even got Katie out of bed! Though I wanted to sleep more than anything on the flight, I had to start writing up my note cards for my History of Recording Industry test Monday. You always sit next to a talker when you really don't want to talk. The man next to me on the United Express (which was about half the size of any other plane I've ever flown in) was intrigued by the fact that I was making note cards about Elvis, the Beatles, and Bob Dylan. He just HAD to talk to me about it, then about himself. That was a good 30 minutes I could have been studying!
I get off the flight 20 minutes later than expected due to a delay at take-off and proceeded to navigate through the Dulles airport, which if you haven't flown into is rather tricky. When mom picked me up we went shopping for a dress for the birthday party Mommak had been planning for weeks for my brother-in-law. I'm sure my mother thought this would be a two hour trip, little did she know I would drag her to every damn store in that mall. Four hours later we found a great black dress, painful but great black heels, and jewelry to match.
Then we headed back to the airport to pick up my uncle. We finally were ready to go around 6:15 and we were, of course, the first people to arrive at the Ritz Carlton for the big surprise. My brother-in-law would have been surprised if he didn't walk into the elevator with our cousin Tom and his girlfriend Jamie! But that was just fine, he was in the elevator and wasn't going anywhere.
We had a wonderful evening drinking wine, playing black jack and catching up with family and friends. I was so happy I was able to come home and share the evening with the birthday boy. I did, unfortunately, miss singing "Happy Birthday." A few of us were still in the "casino" room listening to the DJ and talking and never knew there were people giving speaks and enjoying cake until halfway through! Oh well!
Needless to say, we all had a GREAT time, thanks Mommak for throwing such a great party and for helping me get there!
Since I didn't have a car I was at the mercy of my family and friends. Saturday morning I hitched a ride up to Baltimore with AM and her boyfriend Jason. Later my best friend Amy picked me up from AM so I could spend the night with her. We spent the day finding the perfect shirt to wear and calling everyone I knew to tell them I was in town. Our plan was to kind of hop around a few spots, but we just stayed at one little bar where all my friends from work hung out.
I was a little disappointed that I didn't see Jessi who was in town from North Carolina, we just couldn't work out a way for me to see her and everyone else.
Sunday morning came very fast and by 11 am I was back at AM's house. I was going to ride down to DC with her for her boyfriend's Rugby game and Mom was going to meet us there to watch the game and to take me back with her to VA. It's crazy not having a car!
I learned a lot about Rugby. We first watched a girls game and saw a huge difference once the guys got on the field. The women were rough, but the guys were throwing punches and taking hits sometimes worst than football players! Mom was next to me making all kinds of noises when the men went down! It was entertaining.
Finally the two 40 minute halves were over and New Zealand bet our Washington team 16-12. Mom and I then went out for dinner at a little Italian restaurant that was employed by Spanish speaking servers! Mom had a battle for over 3 minutes about the last bite of her salad. Mom wanted to keep it and the server kept trying to take it away! We assume that the poor server just didn't know enough English to understand what Mom wanted. Finally Mom won and it wasn't 5 minutes later when the buser came by and took the salad bowl before Mom could finish her last bite! We laughed and laughed over that one!
We only had time for a cup of tea before I was off to the Dulles airport again. I got there really early since Mom had a choir rehearsal, but that was fine I had to study any way. The plane arrived on time and I was in Nashville by 11pm.
My first weekend home had flown by so fast and I was on such a schedule that I couldn't relish is the fact that I was HOME. I'll be back in a week and will hopefully have a little more time then.

She's Finally 21!

My best friend down here, Tera, has finally turned 21! This is good for me since all we have been able to go to are shady clubs and restaurant bars. I don't need to go out all the time, but I love Nashville and all the bars on Broadway and I WILL NOT go alone.
Her birthday was Tuesday and we really celebrated responsibly! We went to dinner with her mother, father, and next door neighbors and then headed down to Broadway for her first encounter with the Nashville bar scene.
Our first stop was the legendary bar, Tootsies.
It is usually one of my favorite bars because it
has a band that plays downstairs and another band that plays on the upper level. As we walked in the front door I realized this wasn't the right bar for her parents to be in. There were wall to wall people and I could see the look "I don't like this" in her mother's eyes! So, we fought crowd and walked up the stairs and out the back door.

Then we walked behind the bar right next the the Ryman (where the Grand Ole' Opry used to be held) to a bar more suited for parents, Legends. This is a large bar with a lot of tables that usually plays more "classic" country. We had a great time listening to the band and dancing.
Finally, we decided we needed something a little "younger."
We we walked down about three bars to The Stage.
The Stage is my all time favorite bar. This draws a younger crowd between 25-late thirties. I like that! There are no little drunk kids running around getting on your nerves, though drunk men are common in any of these bars. I am no expert on the Nashville bar scene, I just know what I like, and this bar is always fun. There is a dance floor and tables but also an upstairs loft that over looks the bar. Tera and I stood right in front of the band and danced until we finally noticed how tired her parents were :o) Tera had a wonderful birthday and I so happy I was there to share it with her.

* On a side note* I'M FLYING HOME TOMORROW! I'm much more excited about it now than I was a week ago. I think I'm at a better place with my decision to be here, and therefore don't feel awkward about going home. I do, however, have two test on Monday and one on Tuesday, so there will be studying going on this weekend. Well, I love you all and hope you are doing well!

Fun Facts

For the last three days I've been working on a presentation for my Survey of recording Industry class. The project required us to follow the income streams of one artist and chart the money that they actually make after all the cuts to their manager, publisher, and promoters. Well my partner and I have chosen Reba McEntire and once we finally got going on the project we learned many things, but my favorite was a page on her website that has random facts about her personal life and career history. So I decided to do the same!

• I have had four cars so far. My first was an 1989 Ford Taurus that I totaled about 3 months after I turned 16. The second was a gold Nissan Stanza that I was really proud of. When that one died I was excited to find a "cool" car but instead my parents came home with a teal Ford Taurus STATION WAGON! I drove that through college and it died every 6 months. Finally we donated it and I went to CarMax to finally pick out a car that I liked. I chose a 96 Nissan Maxima. I wanted it in silver but got one in gold.
• I had HORRIBLE teeth when I was young and wore something mental in my mouth for about nine years! My favorite was a retainer that had one of my front teeth attached to it. I liked it pop it in and out. :o)
• I played the viola for one year and only learned one song!
• My family had a dog named Lexie that we had to keep in the yard or on the porch because it was too big and jumped on us. TO walk out in the yard we had to bring a broom just to keep her away from us.
• I learned I was highly allergic to horses when I was in the middle of horseback riding lessons!
• My favorite color is olive green.
• The friend I have known the longest is really just one I haven't been able to get rid of. We were in kindergarten together and stayed friends until about forth grade and then we went to high school together and worked at the same summer job. All through college we have remained friends but now she is married and moved to London.
• My favorite part of my body is a close tie between my feet and my smile.
• I only started to play music because my older sister AM was in the band and I wanted to do everything she did.
• I started to sing in public when I was in seventh grade. I was the youngest member in the St. Mary's Folk Choir. I think I used that choir to have a good look at all the young guys in the congregation. :o)
• I turned down an opportunity to play bassoon on tour in Europe to go to summer camp with all my friends.
• My favorite family vacation is a close tie between the first time we rented a house across the street from Sea Colony and the first time we had Thanksgiving in Deep Creek. I think every time we choose a new location for a vacation we have more fun.
• My favorite amusement park ride is very simple but could entertain me for hours. The Tilt-a-whirl!
• My first real boyfriend was in eighth grade, John Allen.
• I was almost arrested once. I was in high school and a few of us drove up to a house we were told was haunted. Diane, Nick and I took to separate car and were the first in the drive way of the house. We were also too scared to get out! There were about three other cars of our friends that were not afraid and went up to the house to try to get in. Well the next thing I knew I hard sirens and my friends were running back to their cars. Since we were the first ones in the driveway, we were the last ones out. So we got stopped by the police and they ran our names through the computer and made us take our shoes off to compare them to the foot prints by the house. Finally they let us go when our shoes didn't match.
• My first guitar was my mother's. She played when she was in the convent!
• I ran for Homecoming Queen my senior year and was runner-up.
• I have never been a smoker though in college I tried it like everyone else.

If you can't tell, I'm running out of things to talk about. My current schedule has nothing worth discussing in it, so I'm forced to talk about things in the past. Any questions you'd like to ask?

Don't You Just Miss Formals?

I was looking through my high school photo albums and I was reminded of how much I miss Homecoming and Prom! I thought I'd share with you all my high school formal dance scrapbook.
Starting from left to right, we begin with my first formal high school dance. November 1995 Homecoming. I don't remember a lot about the night, not even the guy's name! 1995-1996 was my Sophomore year but my sister's senior year. I was attached to AM's hip so every friend she had I tried to make them my friend. It finally worked with Joe. He was a sweetheart of a guy that was a fabulous clarinet player. We all made fun of him though because he moved A LOT when he played. Anyway, he invited me to be his date to his senior prom (which was also my sister's senior prom). AM was really cool to let her little sister go to her prom and sit with her friends.
My Junior year I went to Homecoming with my boyfriend at the time, Jim. This picture was taken in his living room with both our mothers present.  As that year went on I finally started to make some great friends. By the time May came around I had a best friend named Kelly and a great guy friend who went with me to many formal events. I went to DeMatha's Junior/Senior Prom with Pete and we all road in a limo that had a hot tub on the roof! It was awesome...But the water cooled down really quickly.




My junior year I technically went to Seton's prom with Nick though I had a huge crush on John Paul and spent the whole time with him! The theme for the prom was "If Only For One Night." It was so fitting because that was the one and only time I ever kissed John Paul.
So that brings me to my Senior year. That year I found the most beautiful red dress that I felt absolutely gorgeous in. My good friend Pete and I went to his Homecoming as well as mine together.  When May rolled around I went to DeMatha's prom with Pete but he had a girlfriend that went to my school and, of course, went with her to that dance. I decided to go with my other good guy friend Brandon DeBow who was dating my best friend Kelly. That sounds a lot more confusing than it was.   I think I had more fun the times I went with friends than the times I went with "boyfriends."
I miss going shopping for the gown and I miss all the girls coming over and getting ready together. Unless you are Greek you don't have the opportunity to dress up in college.
Hope you enjoyed my Formal Dance Scrapbook!

What a Crazy Life!

Last week I was completely out of commission! I think I had a sinus infection. Starting Wednesday night I felt a horrible headache and woke up Thursday in a state of true illness. All I wanted was to sleep and blow my nose. Usually my mother is the first I call in this situation, but I felt so bad I couldn't even call her! Because I am so low on funds, I just HAD to work Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Friday was so bad at work my eyes were watering and I had to blow my nose (and then of course wash my hands) every time I walked back into the kitchen!
Since Monday I've been studying and working on an income stream project on Reba McEntire. Did you know she not only has a hit TV show but also has her own clothing line? She has money coming in from so many streams I thought she would be easy to report on, that isn't the case so far. The project is due next week and I haven't found ANYTHING. I e-mail my professor for help, so hopefully things will be looking up.
Besides all this, I really haven't had much of a life. I'm trying to find another job that pays more and I'm working hard at school...That's it! Boring right? I haven't really gone out since I haven't been feeling well and I haven't wanted to spend the money. But my friends from home are busy!
1. Joey won 3rd place in a karaoke contest last weekend.
2. Jessi quit her job after two months of working in the North Carolina School system
3. Amy is getting ready for Grad school
4. Kateri's mom was diagnosed with cancer and had surgery yesterday where they removed everything but the kitchen sink!
5. Katie is still working on finding herself and her inspiration
6. Lauren is busy planning her wedding for the weekend after Thanksgiving
7. Erin's boyfriend Brian of nine years finally proposed!
8. Colleen's boyfriend since our sophomore year in college also proposed.
9. Tim bought a new car, won an ipod, and won concert tickets all in one day!

With all my friends either married, engaged, or "taken" you'd think I'd start to get a little restless, but actually for the first time I can remember, I really DON'T want to be in a relationship of ANY kind. The men in Tennessee have not impressed me so far and I don't feel a need to be distracted by them. I have been struggling with something though. In a little less than three weeks I'll be going home for the first time. I'm very excited about seeing everyone, but I think I'm more nervous than anything else. I'm nervous because this experience has already changed me DRAMATICALLY and I fear I'm not the same person I was when I left them. I also...Well I don't feel I've accomplished enough yet. A part of me doesn't want to come home until I've accomplished...MORE! Gotten a better job, finished the first semester and knowing I can go on into my program. This is such a different feeling than coming home from Towson University. I have so much more to prove!
I took an online test the other day to see if I showed signs of anxiety disorder. I am constantly nervous about money, grades, and my future. Of course the test said I should schedule an appointment and speak to a counselor. I guess it is the best thing for me since I'm making myself sick every other week just by worrying. I think I'm honestly had this headache for two weeks straight. Time off doesn't relax me because I just think about what coming up and whether I'm ready for it or not. SO I'm guessing I won't be able to relax until December 17th when my finals are over.

Last Day of Fall Break

Today I woke up around 11:00 am and stayed in bed until a little after noon. I was reading my Harry Potter book that I just can't seem to have time to finish. For the rest of the day I MUST clean my apartment. I've been "straightening-up" for about a month but haven't actually cleaned in forever! I know that sounds bad, but when I have free time I either read for school, veg out in front of the TV or just sleep. So I have started my clean sweep. I have finished the bathroom and took out all the trash, and now here I am stalling again! :o) Writing in my blog just seems so much more interesting than doing dishes and cleaning the floor!

How long has it been since you did a full top to bottom cleaning?

Sweet Home Alabama

For my Fall Break Weekend I ended up in Alabama. Random right? I wanted to go some where so I could actually have some kind of a vacation. This was a very informational trip. It showed me some of the difference between how a northerner is raised and how people from the south are brought up. For example, southern schools often don't even offer soccer or lacrosse in their curriculums, but everybody sure knows how to play football.
Thursday evening a friend invited me to come to Decatur Alabama to watch a football game. He is a high school coach with a team that is now 8-0. I had no idea what I was getting into. The undefeated Red Raiders were playing the Hazel Green Trojans on enemy territory. As I pulled up to the field house I was already amazed at the size of the HIGH SCHOOL stadium. This was an away game, but the Decatur stands were full of ecstatic high schoolers and a huge marching band. I say huge, only because at my high school we didn't have a football team let alone a marching band. This was a scene right out of the movie "Friday Night Lights." Boys are raised on football here and it is a serious part of their lives. The whole damn town goes to every game and knows the stats of every player on the field and in the marching band.
I sat right behind the students of Decatur High school, which was a mistake. I got in the middle of a mosh pit and had to crawl out and up the bleachers for safety. To my right was the marching band and I was having flash backs from my days as a color guard when I had a 50/50 chance of catching the flag I threw. I honestly had an awesome time with the people in the stands and I was so proud to watch my friend on the side line coaching. :o)

Friday nights in the south are for High School football, but Saturdays are for college ball. I learned this weekend that I'm supposed to think the auburn Tigers are the best college team. Don't ask me anything else about them...Cause I'm still learning too. I spent ALL of Saturday watching college football. Alabama over ole Miss 13 to 10, USC defeated Notre Dame 34 to 31(which everyone I was with was really upset about), Florida State loses to Virginia 26 to 21, and Auburn was victorious over Arkansas 34 to 17. By the time football was over and the guys could leave their couches, I was ready to talk to a girl about make-up, nail polish, toothpaste or....God anything but Football!
Good news is, we hung out with some great people and I learned a few things from my southern friends.
1. You can say the meanest thing about someone, but if you add "bless her heart" after it, it's OK.
2. People in the south don't give two shits about NFL.
3. Southern men WILL NOT let you open a door.
4. There is a difference between southern people and country folks.
5. You should never wear open toed shoes to a bar in the south. I believe I have a broke middle toe due to the fact that gravity makes it hard for drunk men to hold a full bottle of beer.
I also just want to say how thankful I am that I met Tera and her sister Tiffany. They introduced me to Coach Freeman and they are the reason I had a fall break at all!

B Student and Fall Break

I have now had a test in every class and it is obvious that I am a solid B student.
Mass Media - 87%
Survey of Recording Industry - 87%
Audio for Media - 87%
History of Recording Industry - 85%
I'm hoping that now that I know how each teacher tests, I will know how to study and become an A student.

Friday starts our Fall break. I don't really know what to do with this time off! Tera is going home for the weekend so I guess I could work at the restaurant, but I would also like to have a few days of rest. I have been fighting off a cold for the last week and though I have been winning, the extra rest would be good for me. Maybe I could finally finish my Harry Potter book and read a few chapters for school. I only wish I had talked to my two best friends from home earlier, they were thinking of taking a trip this weekend because there was a really cheap flight offered by Southwest, but of course by the time I talked to them...The rates changed. :o( It sure would have been nice to see them.

Thoughts that Empower my Spirit

A Little Education

I'd like to start a new trend here on the Nashville Bound blog, I'd like to teach a little country music appreciation! I want to start with my all time favorite singer, Martina McBride. There is a full biography on this site that tracks her string of number one hits. From her second album released in 1992, The Way that I Am, she finally received her first number one hit "My Baby Loves Me" This is a fun fast tempo song that talks about how her man loves her just the way she is. Also on this album, she released her first "women's power" song (as I like to call them). "Independence Day" wasn't a number one track, but it did introduce a way for women to speak about spousal abuse through song. She continued to speak for strong women with the release of her forth album "Evolution" in 1997. My all-time favorite song is on this CD, it's "A Broken Wing." It too speaks about a women who has been abused and finally leaves her husband. Her music isn't all depressing, On this album she also has "Happy Girl."
This song is an upbeat cute song talking about how she used to be shy and stayed away
from a crowd but now is happy and loves to smile. It's a fun girlie song.
In 1999, she released her Emotion album, which she and Paul Worley produced under
BMG Entertainment on the RCA label. Now that I'm in school and learning about production, I really look up to Martina for getting involved in her creative work. Since she isn't involved in the writing of her songs, and neither would I, this is an equally fulfilling way to be involved in the marketable work.
She has released at least four more complete albums after the few I have mentioned and is still going strong with her new album, "Timeless." This too was produced by McBride and is unlike any album she has recorded, celebrating her place in a genre she holds dear while reminiscing and paying homage to the songs where her journey began. It is an entire album dedicated to some of the most revered country classics of our time.
Some of the other reasons Martina is my personal favorite, is her wonderful and giving spirit. She is married and has, I think, three daughters. She is a TINY women but has the power of a gospel singer in a traditional Baptist church. Every time I have ever seen her perform, she was flawless! Never out of breath or flat on one note! She is the perfect role model for any artist to strive to be compared to.
I want to end today's lesson with a bit of lyrics from "It's My Time" released in the Emotions CD.

There's a time to stand and the time is now or never

A time to fly, a time to let go forever

A time to grow and a time to discover

Life is precious, every second

You've wasted mine, and it's my time!

Fate or Coincidence?

When I was in the 5th grade, my family joined a new parish and enrolled me into their CCD program. The program is a religion class for students who attend public school. It was in that program that I met John Manderville. At that time he was a short, chubby blonde boy who followed me around every where I went. It was obvious that he had a crush on me, and things remained that way all through middle school. Something happened to him in high school though. That little chubby boy grew into his body, his voice lower and then I was chasing after him! In high school we went back and forth. When I liked him, he was interested in other girls and when he liked me I wanted to stay friends. As fate would have it, we went to the same college and our dorm rooms were in the same building only one floor apart! We hung out quite a few times, but never got around to dating. This is a picture of us in my dorm room freshmen year.
He graduated a year before me and got a good job with a pharmaceutical company. About two years ago we tried to meet up when we where both home for Christmas, but I decided to stay at home and spend time with my mother. I hadn't spoken to him since then, until today. I was at lunch with Katie and Tera doing some last minute studying for our History of Recording Industry test today, and I got a call from a Maryland number. It was John! He told me that he was in New York with only a year and a half left in medical school as well as being an officer in the Army. He apparently joined the Army when I got out of college to earn money for medical school. So, after a quick summary of our lives, he asked when he could see me. I said I wasn't planning on coming home until November and then for Christmas. Then he asked when my next break from school was, and as fate would have it, it's next weekend. I have from Friday to Tuesday off and I already requested off work three of those nights (just in case there was something fun to do). He asked if I would come up to visit. So I ask you, is this fate or coincidence? Should I go to New York or take my chances that he will still be single and interested in December?

My Pet Peeves

I know we all have them, but I think my list of pet peeves is getting longer and longer!
1). I hate when you are in a crowded mall, or sidewalk and can't seem to get around all the people who choose to walk at a snail's pace.
2). I hate when people slurp! MommaK used to hit me every time I slurped at the table, and I have to restrain myself from doing it to others.
3). I hate when I'm in class trying my best to listen to the teacher who is talking at a record pace, and people near me decide to carry a conversation! My attention immediately goes to what they are saying and I return to the lecture not understand at all what has been said.
4). I hate when people click their pens, tap their nails,or squeak their chair! I guess any sound that is soft, and almost undetectable and repetitive drives me nuts.
5). I hate when people sniffle and refuse to solve the problem with a Kleenex! Instead they constantly suck the snot back up into their bodies.
6). I hate going into WalMart! There are so many people, so much clutter, and too many things that make a "Beeping" sounds!
7).I hate when people make plans and then either cancel at the last minute, or even worse, never answer their phone. If you have to cancel, be a grown up and CALL! Last night I had plans to practice Guitar with Tim because tomorrow night I was going to play guitar while Tera sang at an open mic. Tim had offered I use his guitar since it is an amplified acoustic and would be easier to pick up than my acoustic. I was supposed to call when I got off work and he would come over and let me practice. Well, while I was at work I got a message from some friends we met last week asking if I wanted to hang out. When I got off work I called both Tim and my new friends and I never heard from either! If you are tired and have decided to stay in, just call!
8). I hate when people only talk about themselves and make no effort to ask how you are. I have a "friend" in Maryland that has been going to school and waiting tables for a few years now. Unfortunately there isn't much more going on in his life, but when we talk we don't talk about how I'm adjusting to a COMPLETELY different life, no we talk about waiting tables and how much he works out!!!!
9). I hate when men behave differently around a girl like me and a girl like... Jessica Simpson. There is a really sweet cute girl named Emily that started working around the same time I did so she doesn't know our manager any more than I do. But, the little asshole manager, picks on me for EVERYTHING and never says anything but nice things to her! Like today, he went around and harshly told every employee that they must come to work 15 minutes early. Emily and I pulled up at the same time, which happened to be 10 minutes early, and walked in together. But when he spoke to Emily, he kindly asked her to try to make it early to work just in case we are busy and could use the help. Don't men realize that women talk to each other about...Almost everything? So if he really thinks she sees him as the sweet guy he is only to her...He is an idiot!
10).I hate finding a new doctor, hairstylist, vet, gym, dry cleaner, and bank! I have had so many bad experiences with bad hair cuts and I finally found a great one in Baltimore 9 months before I moved. Now I'm down here and scared to trust anyone else!
11).I hate when women agree with men just to get their attention. And for that matter, I hate when people in general just abandon their core feelings and beliefs to go along with a crowd. I was in Survey of Recording Industry today and we were talking about how country music is the least downloaded music to Ipods. The teacher asked those who liked country music to raise their hands and comment on the matter. I was the first and most proud, but there were at least seven other people who confessed to liking country music. When the discussion got a little stereotypical and some-what harsh, I was the only one who still defended my preferred entertainment genre. I know this isn't like defending a religion or anything, but the same push-over mentality applies.
12). I hate my slow dial-up internet service. I just wish I had the money to spend on high speed!
13). I hate when you tell people where you go to school and they say, "do you know such in such?" Like I know everyone in a school with over 20,000 students attending it!
14). I think the one thing I HATE more than anything is people that are constantly talking about how they want a better life but make no effort to change their status. How do you expect your life to go in any other direction if you never turn the sterling wheel?
I think I had better stop because I see that this list could really go on FOREVER. What are some of your pet peeves?

Laughing is Contagious

One of my all-time favorite things to do is laugh! Laughter is very important in my life. I base the quality of friends as well as boyfriends on whether or not they can make me laugh. If a really cute guy isn't funny, I want NOTHING to do with him. It also works out the other way. If an unemployed, going-no-where, guy has a great sense of humor, I'm attracted! The latter is the more dangerous case. I love a man with laugh lines by his eyes because I know he got them from a life time of smiles.
Friends are the same way. I am drawn to sarcastic women, probably because my two sister are that way and they are my BEST friends. I do miss my friends from Maryland. I miss how well they know me and how they can cheer me up with just a look, or a funny comment about some other girl! Looking at this picture of Amy and Katie, I am reminded of thousands of smiles and how hard I have worked for my smile lines.

My Life with a Mic

Ever since I can remember, I have LOVED to sing! I wasn't really one of those annoying kids that is always in your face singing and entertaining, but if there was an opportunity, I was game. This picture is of one of my very favorite Christmases. I woke up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, and I just had to look out in the living room to see if Santa had come yet. Well he did, and he left me my first microphone and
microphone stand. I was so excited I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. That was one of the all time best gifts!
As I got older things didn't change. I still loved to sing. I was in every singing group I could get into including show choir and even some musical theater. By college, I finally started to learn how to play the guitar. I was inspired by a really cute guy that played Garth Brooks and Edwin McCain. With the small number of chords I knew how to play, I started to write songs. I was never very good at that, but have written hundreds anyway. While in college I sang at a few "open mic nights" around campus. I would always get really nervous, but then I heard what some of the other people were singing or reading and I felt much better. I started out studying both vocal and instrument education. I loved to sing, but the department requirements mandated that I sing in foreign languages and there was no class for musical theatre. I was losing my interest, and eventually dropped my work load to only instrumental education. For my junior and senior recitals I sang and played the bassoon. There was no way I was going to get up on stage and not sing while I was there! My best friend Jessi followed my lead and also sang original songs at her recital. I was also blessed to sing and play with her on her big day.
After college, I started to REALLY get into karaoke. I sang a few times a week and really boosted my repertoire as well as my ego! I won a few contest totaling about $800 dollars in prize money. I was getting known in the local Baltimore karaoke bars, and I liked it!
I love going to a new bar and watching people's heads turn when I start to sing. But, things are very different here. Great singers are a dime a dozen, and no one is doing it just for the fun of it. Karaoke contest down here are like American Idol try outs. So needless to say, I haven't done much. My mother did talk me into singing at Tootsies one night when we were visiting in March. That was fun, though not my best performance. The guy playing guitar is Scott Collier. He and his band play at Tootsies ALL THE TIME!
I know I'm not down here to sing, and I know I don't want to ever be famous, but I need some kind of performance opportunity. Katie and I were talking about looking on campus for a group to join. Tim hosts an "open mic night" on Tuesdays and I think Tera and I will perform next week, but I just don't feel like it's enough. I miss the confidence I had when I was singing in front of an awesome crowd. I think meeting all these people down here that are making a living playing music makes me wonder sometimes why I'm not trying harder to at least sing SOMEWHERE!

Thursday In Murfreesboro

The weather was so wonderful yesterday, that Tera, Katie, Bailey and I went to the park and played guitar. Katie is just now learning and is doing really well. Tera wants to learn, so we are working on it. We stayed there for about two hours and just loved being in the sun and not worrying about school. (Be the way, my tests went really well).
Later that day, Tera and I hung out around my apartment getting ready to go out and we took this picture that I just LOVE! We weren't sure what we were going to do, because most places you have to be 21 to get into, and Tera still has another month to go. So we decided to go out early because most places don't start to card until after 9:00. Tera, Katie and I went to a little Bar and Grill for dinner and after Katie went home, Tera and I headed over to a bar near campus. We were the only women in the bar for a few hours except for the crazy lady with bad roots at the end on the bar. Every now and then she would yell something across the bar to us...we couldn't really relate to her. By the end of the night, we knew everyone in the place. Tera talked to two guys for most the night, Rodney and Will. I spent most my time talking to a musician (of course) named Dion. Everyone is a musician in this town, I swear it is losing it's uniqueness. All in all, we had a wonderful time, and made even more friends.

What I think about when I try to study

I've been sitting at my desk typing up notes from two of my classes. I type them because it's easier for me to study from clearly written notes and it helps get the material in my brain. I have one test this evening in Audio for Media and one on Thursday in Survey of Recording Industry. Both are hard classes that cover a lot of material. While I sit here I tend to look past my computer at the bulletin board where I pin up a few of my favorite pictures and a few other little things that remind me of good times. Well this picture just keeps catching my attention. It's my best friend Amy Jean in my cowboy hat. I guess what's really funny about this is that she isn't a country music fan and could have easily put the hat on backwards for all she knows. She is one of my silliest friends and always fun to dance with.

I also have a few school pictures of my nieces, Jessie and Joey's wedding picture, Kateri and Jim's wedding picture and a few restaurant business cards that I like to frequent. Among those, is my new favorite cheap Mexican restaurant, Camino Real. I just can't get enough fajitas and cheese dip! My newest addition to the bulletin board, is a card I got in the mail yesterday from my sister AM. It says, "A sister is love that you never outgrow. No matter where our paths may wind. Those childhood days we left behind are with me in my heart and mind, as I remember you. Happy Birthday Sister...With a lifetime of memories and a heart full of love." How sweet right?

The last thing that always seems to distract me, is the Dr. Seuss book "Oh the Places You'll Go." These are a few of my favorite excerpts."You will come to a place where the streets are not all marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're dark. A place you could sprain both your elbows and chin! Do you dare stay out? Do you dare go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win? And when you're alone, there's a very good chance you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won't want to go on. You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember life is a balancing act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And NEVER mix up your right foot with your left." The life lessons you can learn from good old Dr. Seuss. I really love reading that book, because it gives a childlike manner to a very adult way of life.

Where does your mind wonder when you are supposed to be studying or working?

Top Ten Reasons I Smiled This Weekend

1. My mother was here and pampered the hell out of me! We went to Target on Saturday morning and I got a toaster oven (so I don't have to cook toast in the real oven), a skillet (so I can cook more than one pancake at a time), new silverware (since the plastic 3 dollar set is already rusting), and new towels (just cause). Sunday we went clothes shopping, which I always need!
2. We had lunch with RugDesigner and her wonderful husband Saturday afternoon. We stayed at the restaurant for two hours talking and enjoying each other's company. I have another mother in Tennessee now! Thank you both for the magnet, it's on my refrigerator displaying a picture of my wild niece!
3. Mom, Katie, Tera, and I saw "At lot like Heaven" and it was WONDERFUL! The guy who plays the lead, David...Is so adorable. I don't know the actor's real name but he also was in 13 Going On 30. Tera looked down the aisle when she heard someone crying. She thought it was a stranger until she realized it was me! I love Chick Flicks!
4. I was given an AWESOME motivation to pierce my ears AGAIN! Mommak bought me beautiful, and expensive, silver earrings for my birthday. I have had my ears pierced twice before, but there was just no luck. This time I must get them pierced by the right people and be meticulous about keeping them clean. Thank you Mommak I love them!
5. Visiting with a family that helped me find my apartment and a job Saturday afternoon. Katie came with mom and I for a nice relaxing afternoon. We had burgers and talked for a few hours. It was very nice.
6. Doing handstands in the Vehars yard with Katie and Lizzie.
7. Watching and listening to Tera hum the humdinger card during our Cranium game Saturday night. The song was Home on the Range.
8. Staying up late with my mother just talking until we can't keep our eyes open.
9. After mom left on last night I studied for two hours for my test on Tuesday night. I felt very productive after that.
10. I was scheduled to have a date tonight, but because the power went out at Tim's studio, he left early last night. We decided to hang out so he could record tonight instead. This was the second time I didn't intend to see him, so I made him give me 30 minutes to change out of my Towson University sweat pants and to try to tame my curly hair. By the time he got to my apartment the news was reporting a tornado on it's way through Murfreesboro, so we stayed in and watched movies. It was a nice date I have to say....But don't keep your fingers crossed. He is a musician with little free time.
I think this weekend has pulled me out of my slump and I am full of smiles and motivation to do well in school and to pierce my ears!

Couldn't Have Come at a Better Time

I love having visitors! My sister, Jason and Katie were the first to see where I live. They were here when I was scared and excited at the same time. When Katie left I was depressed but ready to enjoy Tennessee. Amy came a week later and all I was doing then was sun bathing and reading Harry Potter. But now school has started, stress is piling up and NOW is the perfect time for a visitor. There is no better guest than my mother! She has been my best friend since birth and is still to this day the only person I just can't lie to. As a kid, if anything happened in school or around the house I knew I would get in trouble for, I called my mother immediately. I found that if I told her first she was less mad than if she found out later. I loved to surprise my mother with things I would do around the house. One day I decided to shampoo the carpets. I did that a lot for extra money, but I decided to just be nice this time. I realized that we never clean under the couch, so tired to move it out of the way to do a thorough job. Well, I dented the wall trying to use it as leverage. I tried everything to fix that dent. I spackled and painted, but it was still obvious. So I called mom at work crying to tell her the news. She was very calm and said, "How can I be mad at you when you were trying to be helpful?" She is still the first person I call when I am sick, scared about a test, or just feel lonely. This picture was taken at a fall harvest festival. I believe this is the festival that I got stung inside my mouth by a bee enjoying my soda.
I haven't seen her since the beginning of July, and since I have never lived more than an hour away from her, that's a long time! It was my mother's choice to not see me before I left, I think it would have been too hard for her. So today I have a list of things to do to get ready for my special guest. I must buy lots of wine, (the Unga-Chunga family LOVES to drink wine and stay up late) and buy some food since I'm assuming my mother doesn't want to eat ramine noodles and frozen lean pockets! I usually keep my apartment rather neat, though I will wash the sheets and scrub down the bathroom. Here are our weekend plans;
Friday night- Her flight arrives around 11:30 pm. That is really late for my mother so I'm not excepting much from her tonight.
Saturday morning- I know we'll be waking up early (that's what mom's do) and get ready for our day. We are having lunch with RugDesigner and her husband around 11:30. I really can't wait to finally meet her! After lunch, mom and I plan to go to a birthday BBQ at a family friend's house. I hoping on Saturday night to get her to come downtown and listen to some music, we'll see how tired she is.
Sunday- We will most likely sit by the pool (if Rita doesn't give us rain) and relax.

A little Bit of Girl Time

Last night Katie and I decided we need to get off our asses and meet some people! So Katie came over around 8:30 and while we were out on the patio talking, my neighbor came out to talk with us. My neighbor is Jackie, she works at Outback with me. She invited us to hang out with a group of the "cool" people from Outback. I got her number to met up with her later. :o) Good start already! So then Katie and I went to a bar near school that had karaoke. Katie really enjoys to sing as much as I do. Within a few minutes we made friends with quite a few people. Our favorite was Tim. He is a mechanic by day and a singer/songwriter every other moment. He and I talked about music and how he is trying to learn every instrument, I CAN HELP WITH THAT! He ended up meeting us at the bowling alley where all the Outbackers were hanging out. It was really nice to be around different people and to stop thinking about all the drama. After the bowling alley, we went to another bar near school where we met up with some of Tim's musician friends. I really had a great time and I'm excited that I made some new friends.

OH! Good news! That really hard test I took on Tuesday, got a B+! So even with drama I can stay focused and get stuff done. Go me! I have a math test tomorrow but we can use our notes, so I'm not worried. I also wrote EVERYthing in my notes so I'll have no reason to not do well.

One last thing before I go, I want to thank you all for your advice and comments. It's nice to know I can lean on you for good, bad, and just F**#ed up situations. I'm so happy I started writing in this blog. (Tra, La, La, La, La!)

After Counseling From My Elders

It's interesting to see this situation from different view points. Some of my friends my own age are giving me advice as to how to get past all the drama and forgive. We discuss ways to save my relationship with Kassi and then how to separately save my relationship with Michael. I talked to them both and we tried to set up times to do rebuild the relationships. As I talked to Michael and as Kassi and I played phone tag, it hit me. They aren't ever really going to see me point! I've spelled it out face to face with them both but they still don't see it. All day long yesterday I was stressed about how to take my REALLY hard mass media test and deal with the frustration of not being understood. Finally, I read the blog entries my friends had written and it started to make sense. People with more life experience and those that have seen people like this before gave the best advice. This is trouble! There are too many wonderful people in the world to hang on to people that betray you and who misunderstand you. Finally Mommak called and she puts things in a perspective that only a loving sister can. I expressed earlier what kind of friends I like to surround myself with and I can't make any exceptions. Why would I give someone who has hurt me this much, the chance to do it again? I mean this all really could have been a lot worse. What if this all happened after I've given months and months of friendship and love to them? It doesn't matter what reasons are given, and it doesn't matter how much they might want to make me feel guilty. The bottom line is, I choose to start over with the good friends I have and rebuild. I was afraid to do that at first because I haven't made a lot of friends here, so I was nervous that if I didn't get over this I would loose two of them. But I can't look at it that way. I have a whole city of people to find friends in, I don't have to hang on to those that hurt me. I also think Michael and Kassi were trying so hard to fix things for this same reason. All of us are pretty new to this area and don't have a ton of friends. But we all have a chance here to take what we've learned and start over, Kassi with Michael, and me with Tera and Katie. Sometimes life changes in a way you didn't plan, but everything happens for a reason. Wish us all good luck!

My Effort to Lighten the Mood

I have had my little Bailey in my life for two years now. Brendan and I decided to buy her right after I graduated college. We did not agree on names for her, I wanted to name her Reba and I think he wanted to name her...Something that had to do with football. We decided on a liquor....Since we both like to drink! :o) When we got her, she had no brown in her face and was about 8 inches long. Her paws were so tiny and she didn't have her black spots on her belly, which Jack Russells are known for.
After Brendan and I split up (the first time) I decided I was going to keep the dog. I loved her so much already and couldn't image life without her. Even though she ate every pair of flip-flops I owned and Loved my dirty underwear....I couldn't live without her. My sweet hyper-active, non-barking dog has served a great purpose the last two months. She has been my best friend and my teddybear. She can't bark because her vocal chords don't vibrate correctly. I don't think she knows the difference though. She tries and tries. She also sleeps under the covers between my legs every night. I don't know how she does it. Now my sweet little dog is 16.6 pounds and won't get any bigger. She has her spots and a crazy personality to match. I couldn't ask for a more loving and spirited friend. So this is me getting back to the basics. Appreciating the little things in life.

Hit Blindsided!

Though I have had trouble in the past with true friendship, I always thought of myself as a good judge of character. If I smell something suspicious I uncover the fallacy and either forgive, or walk away. The best way to explain everything that has happened the last few days, I will direct you right to the horses month, Kassi. I'm sending you there because she wrote a long blog discussing the situation from her side. A man I was seeing (but didn't work out with) is now seeing Kassi. They went about their affair behind my back simply because they KNEW it would hurt me. These are two of the four people I know in Tennessee, and I don't know how to stay friends with them. In their perfect world, they want me to except that they want to date and still hang out and we all be best friends (La, La, La, La, La) Well, it isn't that simple. Before I really knew what Michael and I were going to do with our failing ROMANTIC relationship, I confided in Kassi. Little did I know she was going right back to him and telling him everything I said! In my mind I have two options;
1. I back away and allow myself to meet some new people.Maybe join a club at school and detach myself from all this drama.
2. I try to pretend that this all didn't just hit me like a ton of bricks and try to be friends with them both. Put my hurt feelings aside in the name of "new love." Because "if I really cared about them, I would understand."
The problem with the latter option, is that I have successful gone through therapy allowing myself to comfort feelings I don't like and teach people how I want to be treated. I feel this is huge step back! But there is that little voice in my head that says, "If you don't get past this you will be alone." DAMNIT! I don't want to depend on people that hurt me just to have a warm body to talk to. What do I do?

Weekend Football

I went to my first Middle Tennessee football game on Saturday! Tera, Tera's friend Russ, Katie, Katie's friend Reagan, and myself all met at the game. Our intention was to tailgate but we got a late start and didn't get to the game until after kick-off (oops!) I really like the MTSU stadium. Everything is brand new and you have a perfect view of the field from every seat. Except Tera's because there were two guys standing up right in her way and she didn't see half the game! I was really interested in seeing the marching band, since I had to do that for two years in Maryland. They didn't do very complicated drills, but the music was fun and there were a ton of them! They had the actual band, color guard, baton twirlers, and a dance team all performing together. My favorite part though was after their half time show the band all rushed the student seats and played the school fight song right in front of us! It was fun. We actually didn't end up staying for the whole game because we were hot and hungry! I don't even know the final score!
I also had tickets to the Baltimore Ravens vs. Tennessee Titans game. I have ever been to a professional football game and was really excited about going. Russ had two tickets for free and all I had to do was find someone to cover my shift at work. BUT NO! No one would pick up my shift. Out of 20 some servers....Everyone was busy. So my ticket is unused and I watched the game in the Outback lounge since I had no tables anyway! At least the Eagles won!